Don't get me fucking started on the werewolf stories.
How come every werewolf story has to include an alpha, mate, and someone getting rejected and/or just the mere mention of rejection? Oh, and let's not forget the alpha must be possessive, because possessiveness is sooooooo freaking hot and sexy. Oh Jesus flippin' Christ, I'm getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it.
Who doesn't want a guy to tell them they own you and that no one else can have you? Not me, that's for sure. I love being treated like a fucking object that you can just, ya know, buy. Because why not.
"I don't want you, bitch," he snarled at me. I flinched, feeling the tears coming on. "I want this slutty bitch now. Haha! Haha! You suck! And it's not my D anymore!" I stopped crying, staring at him in confusion. "Your D?" I repeated. "You dumb, bitch? I'm not spelling shit out. Now go. It's making out time," he spat, slapping my face before turning and kissing her, the girl who stole my mate. I sobbed and ran away.
Yup. That's how it is, or at least how it is in my eyes. And yes, exaggeration is something I am very fond of doing, because why not. [If you didn't notice, that's my catch-phrase.] Why can't anyone just . . . you know . . . write a story . . . about – dare I allow these words to pass my lips – a werewolf? Why must it be about rejection or having a mate who thinks of you as his own personal object, hmm? I'm curious. Truly I am.
And then when the girl runs away to get hotter and shove her hotness in her mate's face. Like, WTF? Okay, I get it (english translation to 'Run Devil Run'): "When I get hotter/become a better person, I'll get my revenge." But another line in that song is: "Half of the world is men, it makes no difference if you're gone" so. Listen to Girls Generation. They do not lie to you. Ever.
You know how many guys there are on this planet? Seriously, do you know, because . . . I don't feel like doing all that Math . . . I'm on Summer Vacation.
Oh, but Cade, you must take in condistration about how many werewolf guys are on–
None. Okay? None. Nada. Zip. Zero. Eobs-eum. Nashi. Meiyou. Aon cheann. Aucun. Nessuna. Ninguno. They all mean none. Do you imagine yourself as your main character when she's fucking the super sexy alpha (doggy-style . . . couldn't resist . . .)? Do you? Welp. My husband shakes his head at you. But I couldn't find a gif of him shaking his head so . . .
Why must he be an alpha? Why he can't just be a beta, or just a . . . fucking werewolf. Just let him be in the pack. Does he have to be so special? Actually, alpha's are so common it's not even special anymore. It'd be more special if the guy wasn't special at all. Does that make sense? Is your head spinning in confusion and/or annoyance as you feel my uttermost ire?
I'M. SO. FUCKING. GLAD.
I'm sorry.
I just . . . I'm sorry.
ALL FLAMES WILL BE USED TO MAKE MY S'MORES THAT I WON'T SHARE! ALL PISSY COMMENTS WILL BE USED TO DUNK IN MY TOILET! ANY QUESTIONS THAT DON'T INVOLVE THE TWO?
YOU ARE READING
raucous rants
Humordisclaimer: i wrote in this when i was 13 years old, so it will be unfunny, cringy, and outlandish. that's just who i am baby. you have been warned.
