Running On The Line

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Dol

I was pissed off. And it showed, apparently, because Lana and Kay kept giving each other looks every time I punched the punching bag. I was just mad. Kimberly, Satan and Jemma had left to go on a mission without me. That sounds selfish, I know, but they still left without even a warning. It's not my fault I was unconscious, blame that idiot that knocked me out. I hit the bag again, barely feeling the sting on my knuckles. If Satan were here he'd just say sucker! And walk away laughing. Royals looked at me like I was weak just because I had been knocked out! As if THEY had never been knocked out in their lives. I sighed and sat down on the bench beside the two kids that had stopped watching me to play this game that involved stepping on the other's foot.  They were so happy and carefree; it was hard to imagine little Kay throwing knives and taking part in a rebellion. Then again, I suppose everyone had a story. A reason. Mine was Jemma. I knew she wasn't mine, although Jemma could never really belong to anyone. She never needed me, although that didn't change the fact that I needed her. She was like water, you couldn't catch it and it ended up simply slipping through your fingertips. She was independent and she knew she was good enough to make it on her own. You didn't need to help her, or tell her how to adapt to a situation because she knew it as if she'd done it a million times. Her emotional walls were unbreakable even though I had tried to break them down. But I loved her just the same. I may be young, but that didn't change the fact that every emotion I felt was real, if not stronger. I used to bring a smile to her lips but when things went wrong it happened too fast for me to follow. I guess she was right, I was too stuck in my ways to notice that she was trying to live in the moment and I always managed to stay behind. She was confident enough to move past the pain and keep going and I always knew that she wouldn't fall in love. That's just not Jemma. Love was an extra, she loved with everything she had but she didn't need it. Not like she would need air to breathe. It was more the cherry on the sundae to her. I think the only person she ever really opened up to was Kimberly, and it was probably the same to Kimberly as well. They had put walls up since they were kids because they had somehow seen it. All the pain there still was, all the faults in the government, all the hidden emotions behind people's stoic façade. They both just seemed to see them. I think that's why Satan didn't laugh at me when I first said I liked Jemma. Because deep down, he felt the same about Kimberly. He just never said it, although I didn't either. Jemma had asked me out even though I still wish it had been the other way around. So that I could've had one moment where I actually was the one with the brave move. But that just wasn't me. Just like staying in a closed off city wasn't theirs. Or Sean's. He used his teasing and rebelliousness as an outlet. Because his older brother was always better at everything, so why shouldn't Sean be the opposite. He failed a lot of exams, but in truth he would've aced them. He knew the answers, he just knew that that one point his brother had more would disappoint his parents. If he failed, people would just shrug. That was Sean. Even Kimberly and Jemma saw him that way. Until now. Now, we can all see the truth behind it. That he actually is brave, good and smart. He just never wanted to show it. But past the boundaries of Haven, things are different. They're not better, they're actually far worse, but at least it was the right place to be in. That counted as something. And even if Jemma left me behind this time, I crossed that line. I did that. Sean didn't force me too, and neither did anyone else. It was my choice. The fact that she came was surprising, though, even if she was pretty rebellious, she never wanted to cross the line. There was a point where even Jemma said enough, which is what differenced her from Kimberly. Kimberly DIDN'T have a limit, or not one we could see at least. She might be scared and worried at times, but she'll cross it anyway. And now Nate and Fitz are both dead. Gone. I don't have time to grieve with a rebellion standing in front of me but I've never felt more alive. And I bet neither does she.  I'm not going to force her to fall in love with me, but if she does, well that'll be the cherry on the sundae, I guess.