Blue

Chapter One: The Meltdown

Chapter One: The Meltdown.

I was in a state of delirium, my mind passing in and out of swirling colors and darkness. There was bright, white lights when I was able to open my eyes, before the heaviness of my eyelids seemed to relapse and I would fall back into a deep slumber.

Other times, there were voices murmuring too low for me to hear. I caught my name once, amidst the hushed whispers before I lost the struggle against staying awake, and returned to being camatose.

When my eyes finally opened wide enough to identify something, instead of a blur of colors, I saw my mother.

At first, I believed I was dreaming.

My mother would never be sitting there looking so... distraught.

Her ponytail was slanted with strands framing her worn and weary face and her clothes were rumpled and discheveled. Bt what took the cake was her those charcoal eyes. They were full of such an emotion I had never seen before. Sadness, regret and self-hate.

My heart clenched and I looked away, unable to believe what I was seeing was real.

I studied the walls, such a blinding white, and the cream linoleum flooring. The bed I was lying in didn't exactly scream comfort and I was sure the moment I'd sit up an ache would begin at the base of my back. My eyes scanned my surroundings and when they finally landed back to my mother, sitting across from me, I realized where I was.

A hospital.

"How did I get here?" The words passed through croakily and I realized how much I thirsted for a glass of water. Looking at my bedside table, a plastic cup filled with the delicious looking liquid was half empty. Not bothering to ask, I grabbed it and drank it greedily. Even then, my throat still yearned for more.

Mum seemed to understand because as she took it from my hand and walked over to the tap in the corner of the room.

"By an ambulance." She responded quietly. The sound of water running filled the air and I shifted to sit up. I regretted it instantly, my body's joints tense and sore after being unused for so long. It felt like I hadn't moved for years, when really the last time was...

Was when I was driving through a storm.

I frowned.

Mum turned around, and that's when I saw those dark eyes that were always so closed off, filled with unshed tears. My heart stuttered in my chest, unable to comprehend what I was seeing. What had happened to the mother who was completely closed off?

"Mum," I whispered, eyes trailing across her face. Her eyes turned down-cast but I caught the quick glimpse of shame.

"You shouldn't call me that, Teal." She murmured so lowly that I almost didn't catch it. My eyes widened. "I haven't been the best of mothers."

I stared at her with wide-eyes, not knowing what to say. I had never experienced her looking so distraught, so heart-broken. She walked over, head lowered, and handed me the plastic cup.

"W-what? Don't say that." The demand was weak. I wasn't sure how to respond with any of this. How could I comfort her when I never knew what comfort felt like? Why should I give her my love after the years of her coldness? I blinked at her, a deep sadness filling me as I watched my mother look as if she was going to break down and burst into tears.

"Whatever happened Mom, it's not your fault." My mother hung her head lower. "I promise Mom, please..." Please don't cry, I wanted to beg her. Because I'd cry. And all I've ever known was crying to myself.

"It's all my fault." She sniffed, rubbing her palms across her thighs as if she was sweating or nervous about something. She looked away, but on the left side of her cheek, I saw a single tear run down her face. "I remember when you were five." She began in a wobbly voice, her voice suddenly heavy with nostalgia. "It was Mothers Day and you brought me back a "Best Mom" mug. One day, I - I accidentally broke it." She stopped, looking over to observe me.