She Cares. (girlxgirl) (editing)

IV

I am rather in love with Nady than not having Nady at all.

Of course it's hard sometimes. It is hard to stay strong and fight against my urges to kiss her when we are really close with our faces. It also is hard to remind myself not to tell her about my feelings.

Sometimes I wish she knew. But then, I'm afraid it will tear us apart. I don't want to lose her.

I really did give her all my love. It will be hard to lose it in a matter of a minute, I guess.
I don't want to have an empty hole in my heart. And I don't want to feel hurt.

But, I'm not this hopeless. I know it isn't for sure this would happen if she knew.

I know maybe she won't mind at all. Or be a little bit distant but love me in the best-friend-way none the less.
There are thousands of possibilities of what could happen, that our friendship ends is just one.
With all the people I have met, I know the two most usual ways.

One, the best friend will turn his or her back to you and you will most likely never talk ever again.

Two, you tell your best friend and you will start dating, because she loves you as well, or likes to give you a chance because you are very important to her.

I have heard about these two options the most.

Well, I prefer number two.

But I would have been content with Nady staying my friend and not being in love with me.
This was all I needed, her friendship. I did not necessary need her romantic love. Her friendly love was enough for me.
But in my opinion it wasn't that false to think Nady could react all positive and become my girlfriend, because she liked me or loved me in a strong way. I knew about her friendly love. Her laying like this with me was proof enough.
She held me so tight. She wouldn't do it just for fun.
She did it to show me that she cared. That she cared about me.

And I loved that thought.

I find we fit together perfectly. Our bodies were so peaceful in the way they were laying here.
Nady halfway on top of me.
Her arms around me.
My arms around her.
Our legs tangled up, just a bit.

The only thing that could make this perfect scene even more perfect was a kiss, our lips pressed against another. Or a little 'I love you' coming out of her mouth.
Even her caressing my cheeks would have been so lovely.
And her eyes looking into mine.

Or maybe all of this after another.
At first her looking up into my eyes. Then she would stroke my cheeks, lean in and kiss my lips. She would lean back whispering 'I love you, Yasmin, I am in love with you.'
This would be so nice.

Look. This is the effect she had on me. These thoughts.

She just cuddled with me and I directly thought about her wanting to be my girlfriend.
And I have to say, she made me really happy in the moment. I couldn't ask for more. It felt so right to be this close to her.
I wished for this moment to last forever.
Just her and me. We.

But this moment did end, sadly.

We laid there in silence for what felt like hours. I guess it was 30 minutes.
Then she rose her head off of my chest.

"I'm taking a shower. Okay?" she asked while looking into my eyes.

"Okay." I just answered.

She entangled herself from me and stood up.
She put some clothes out of my closet and went to the next room.

As her body wasn't visible anymore I looked away and cuddled in my blanket.

I sighed. Wishing Nady to be here again. Missing her warmth. Missing her smell. Wanting to kiss her.