The Wind Fell Silent

13. On the Borders of the Forest

Renn's Point of View

"Arenna!" Noldus' shrieked. I could hear the terror in his small voice, Dishna and I took off towards them at his call. I ran blindly, stumbling and tripping through the dense undergrowth of the forest. Branches whipping at me face, the wind whirling angrily about me. Dishna had gotten there before me, but our bond was strained; she wasn't talking to me, all I could feel through our connection was sorrow. A panic gripped me and I forced myself to go faster. But what I saw when I reached the clearing stopped me dead in my tracks; the world around me seemed to pause as my knees failed me and I fell to the ground.

I woke up with a shaky gasp and tears running down my face. It took me a moment to realize that I was in Beorn's house. I was trembling badly and struggled with a sob that racked my chest. The wind outside howled violently and smashed against the walls of the house, I knew what it wanted... me. I had the sudden urge to jump up and run out of the house that very moment, to follow the wind, to get lost in it, to appease it. But I stopped myself, we were to leave tomorrow, I could hold on for one more night. The prospect of haunted dreams was not appealing in the slightest, but then again, either was a restless night of anguish and the reliving of the past. I knew what would help, the thought creeped into my head, and I wasn't able to rid myself of it. Kili was not thirty feet away snoring soundly in his straw bed. But I stopped myself. He scared me. He broke down my barriers faster than I could put them up. He made me laugh and smile and act childishly with him and his brother. He made me happy. I felt myself begin to need him, and that terrified me. I had stopped needing people long before. But laying in the cold of the dark all alone was more than I could bare. So after fighting with myself for a while, I relented.

As quietly as I could, I rose from my wool blankets and padded across the room, silently checking each bed for Kili. But being the graceless klutz that I am, I tripped on Gloin's pack and fell into the bed opposite his, shrieking a bit as I did. Well, not really shrieking so much as squeaking. The dwarf I fell on woke with a start as I scrambled to lift myself from his chest.

"Arenna?" Fili's confused voice whispered, slurring with sleep. The rest of the company slept on soundly, not disturbed by my rather noisy fall.

"Yes" I whispered, jumping backwards.

"What in the name of Mahal are you doing?" he asked, a bit bewildered.

"I couldn't sleep" I muttered into the dark.

"So you attacked me?" he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

My cheeks burned. "I- I tripped on Gloin's pack."

Fili just grunted and laid back down with an annoyed shake of his fair head. I got up, chastising myself. What was I thinking? Had I been success in finding Kili, what had I expected to do? Crawl into his bed? I wasn't even certain about his sentiments for me.

I decided not to return to my bed, I doubted that I could go back to sleep, not that I wished to. So I quietly slipped out of the room and hurried down the hall. I made my way to the back door and thankfully stepped into the cold night. The icy breeze bit my skin and stung my eyes, the fall months were fast approaching. The stars shone bright in the black of the sky and I sighed. The stars calmed me, they always had. My mother once told me that when a sprite and their feyanim died, they were sent to the halls of Yavanna where she sent a lucky few (with the blessing of Varda) to the sky to become stars so that they may bring light to the gloom. I always thought that there was a certain courage about stars. They shine through the night though they cannot fully chase away the darkness. They shine through the day, though they are swallowed by the sun. My mother was brave like that, and I fancied that that is what became of her when she died. But as I was getting lost in the distant glow, the wind picked up again, and my thoughts fell back down to the earth. The wind pushed and howled and screamed and I became rigid. I couldn't refuse it. I would run, follow it, go where it took me. Gandalf would tell the company that I couldn't enter the forest, though he would probably guess the truth. As I readied myself to let go, to give in, I heard the creak of the door behind me, and I knew without turning who it was.