Designing Your Character & Other Handy Things

Movie Cliches (Works for books too)

 A four-mile-wide nickel asteroid (which would mass about a *trillion* tons) can be destroyed -- literally destroyed, so that nothing remains -- by three airplane-mounted lasers. But with only two airplane-mounted lasers, it instead instantly explodes into thousands of pieces. 

Astronomers are very surprised that it wasn't literally destroyed. 

Laser beams are easily visible in space. 

Incoming asteroids spend several minutes in Earth's atmosphere. Asteroids made of softer or more volatile stuff than nickel will harmlessly burn up in the atmosphere regardless of size. Asteroids that land in the ocean will do no damage regardless of size. 

Asteroids are discovered by astronomers peering directly through their telescopes in brightly lit observatories. Whatever they see will appear on computer monitors, however. Asteroid positions are reported in plainly audible 75 BPS Baudot teletype signals. 

 Oddly, there will be no dog to be rescued at the last possible moment. Maybe only tornadoes and volcanoes come equipped with dogs. Would you settle for goldfish?

Bars/Drinking

Every time some guy walks into a bar, usually the hero, he gets into a fight. Usually right under a BUDWEISER sign (see "product placement"). Likelihood of fight increases if country music is playing in the background. 

 Movie heroes in a bar will either order strong alcoholic drinks and swallow them down like iced tea or will ask for milk. The latter will always provoke sarcastic remarks and a fight will ensue. 

 When men drink whiskey, it is always in a shot glass, and they always drink it in one gulp. If they are wimps, they will gasp for air, then have a coughing fit. If they are macho, they will wince briefly, flashing clenched teeth.

 A cup of black coffee/splash of cold water in face is enough to render the most inebriated person stone cold sober in a split second (see several thousand westerns, and "Peter's Friends.")

Binoculars & Glasses

Whenever someone looks through the binoculars, you see two joined circles instead of one. 

 Glasses never collect moisture when you come in from the cold outside. 

 Computer geeks and "intelligent" persons use them, action heros never have glasses. 

 A villain will always commit murder right in front of the window when someone with binoculars is watching.

Biology and Genetics

People are often exact duplicates of remote ancestors, or of their parent at the same age. 

At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

 Radiation causes mutation not to your future children, but to you, there and then.

Mutation is never immediately fatal, but first either makes you into a formless blob, or a functional creature with animal-like features. 

Interbreeding is genetically possible with any person or creature from anywhere in the universe.

Newborn babies can babble, crawl, and hold their heads steady.

Bodily Functions

People never cough, sneeze, blow their noses, or show any other symptoms of being in less than perfect health. Only exception to the above is when they're dying. A cough is a symptom of terminal illness.