About a certain return

Part 8

Was it me who was shouting, or somebody else inside me, someone nearby...? I touched my face. Nothing. It seemed unchanged. Only the nose seemed eagle's beak though I knew it was straight, without any bends. I am wondering: was there anybody next to me? What! My wife?

– Why are you staring, she asked? Are you all right? You scare me sometimes!

– Where have you been for so long? I found myself asking.

– I don't want to tell you. That's it! I can't go anywhere, I mustn't be late: Where have you been? What kept you so long? It seems they all want to rape me; it seems I'm some queen of forest fairy! I'm fed up with it, I can't take it any more...!

She is right sometimes...

– Go and see a shrink, she advised me. There's something wrong with your head, darling!

I don't want to know about shrinks. One of them, a "she", placed a recommendation on my personal file: self-absorbed, and therefore inadaptable. Some chaps with inhuman habits. They all take as a model their own person. Let them go to hell! They must be contaminated with the virus; a mental virus is in circulation that preys upon us, that digs at the bottom of the whole civilization. The Dominating Culture together with ethics and history is soaked in this pervert disgust that eats away the Truth. It is like rabies. Once contaminated you feel the need to bite and transmit it to the innocent ones. How do I know these things? Mr Crow, retired, with a master degree, former teacher at the university, told me this with his talent, beyond the outsiders' understanding, common for all the scholars:

Memory has been murdered by some persons cached by an emotionally pandemic disease that infected the humans' minds. This disease stormed the human race in the last 5000-6000 years. To be blamed are the patriarchate, the rape, the hate, the killing of androgynous and homosexuals, the greediness, the failure to keep in touch with the environment, the habitat destruction, it's due to the cruelty upon animals, to the thirst for power, to the war and the genocide. It is a mental virus named "memoreme", developed as a cluster of "memoremes", spread by emotional and psychological means, but also by knowledge. One of the most deadly personifications is the Book of the Ancient Faith...

As I was saying, Mr Crow, an educated guy ... but... a bit doddery recently, to whom I was bringing now and then books ordered at the National Library, was concerned with my poor and uneducated culture... Culture! Mere mockery! Culture has the ones with brain convolutions! I honestly believe that my brain is flat. As my luck.

Though, I had a job as a courier at the National Library, being useful to the society and to my family. I was walking the books through the town, from a smart guy to another. Something seemed rather strange to me, with all these "smart guys". The books I received were well wrapped up and sealed up, so I didn't know what they represented. I could only guess they had the privilege to study forbidden books. They were living, two or three of them, in a council flat, they were supported with great concern due to public founds aimed to save brains. Why, to hell, didn't they preserve them in formol. What can you do with those dodderers, with all sorts of affected nonsense winds? Mr Crow was no exception to the rule. His only obsession was "the memoreme", this is how he called his hypothetical memory virus, that only one man can escape, the spotless man, superior, brave, innocent, so to speak, a superman, known also as "The Messenger" "but this is only a simple conversation that keeps us into a well known universe". I liked Mr Crow, a tall and slim chap, with a red drunkard face, very chatty, even restless, sometimes going over the top, which makes him disgusting... overall, what a character. I don't think he specially liked me. Sometimes, he even gave me the impression he despised me, ignoring me or making faces once he saw me. But, what does it matter! I was talking freely, saying what I believed, about the world, the universe, truth, things, metaphysics, ... "Excuse me, I said, this word "memoreme" I believe it to be synonymous with "sin"!" I didn't want to get into a big sheet of dispute. It was only a humble opinion. And because it seemed a conversation, the teacher encouraged me saying I passed my apprenticeship. "You are now in an intermediate stage", he used to encourage me. How can you not love such a man? I always had a soft spot in my heart for those who praised me (because it seemed like praise to me). And they haven't been many at all... I was praised even for foolish! It's the single way to heaven...