Backstage

I drop my stuff on the floor. "Man, this place sucks."

Slash spits into his bottle. "I know, right?"

We're both backstage, getting ready for tonight's show - at a place where Slash and I have to share a dressing room. Oh well. At least we're both boys. Only problem is, I find Slash very attractive. And sometimes I can't help but look.

I turn away before he takes his clothes off. I don't want to hurt him or offend him in any way, and I certainly don't want to weird him out. I've kept m sexuality a secret for years, and I don't need to ruin anything by coming out, even though I think the guys already suspect it.

"Axl, can you tell me what you think of these pants?"

"Um, sure." I turn around, half-dressed myself, and try not to focus on his bare chest. Black leather pants. Very sexy. "They're...nice." I try not to look at him too hard, but it's difficult. And then my dick starts getting hard. Damn.

I see the look on his face. I turn away, ashamed. Does he know? Is he horrified? "I-I'm sorry."

He's silent for a moment. "It's not what I think it is, is it?"

Covering my face with my hands, I sit down in a chair. No. He does know. Everything I've done to hide it from him, all of my efforts, have all been wasted. "T-Tell me what you think." My throat starts closing in. No. I have never cried in front the guys....

"You're gay."

I don't say anything, only focus on swallowing, trying to hold back tears.

"Axl, are you crying?"

Looking up, I let my eyes do the talking. Waiting for him to pull his clothes on. Waiting for him to show his disgust.

But instead, he comes to my side. "Don't cry. Please. I've never seen you cry before. Toughen up!"

"Aren't you mad?"

He hesitates. "I'm not mad. I'm just...I don't know. I mean, I thought you might be, but I didn't know I was-"

"Just don't worry about it." Something seizes me, some invisible force that often pushes me to anger for no reason. I get up and completely dress myself. "It's not like I'm gonna rape you or anything." I comb my hair out, glaring at the mirror.

Someone knocks on the door. "Two minutes!"

"I'm getting ready." Slash pulls his shirt on and comes beside me to arrange his hair and hat. I feel his hand on my shoulder. "I know you'd never rape me."

His skin is warm. The angry urge suddenly disappears, leaving behind a somewhat sad feeling. There's something magical about him touching me, something that makes me have to resist the rest of his body. Yes, it is true that I have fantasized sleeping with him, but I must be cautious and not try to make those dreams become reality. I finish combing my hair and walk out of the dressing room. We don't have time to discuss this. We need to get onstage and do our jobs.

Throughout the concert, I can't get it off my mind. I mess up the words to half the songs. When Slash and I do our normal hugging routine, I can't help but notice that it's a little tighter than usual. Is he just being kind? Trying to comfort me? Or...is it something more? No. Nope. I dare not think it. I dare not raise my hopes. I need to focus on the here and now, the fact that I'm performing at a concert, the fact that I'm a famous singer.

Neither of us brings it up for the rest of the tour, which is only a few days. When I've been back at home for about a week, there's a knock at the door.

I answer it. Slash is there, looking handsome in blue jeans and a t-shirt. "Oh. Hi, Slash."

"Hey. What's going on?"

"Not much. Want to come in?"

"Yes, please."

I take him into the living room and let him sit on the couch. I pick a chair. "So, um, anything you want to talk about? Can I get you a drink?"

"No thank you. But there is something to talk about."

My heart pounds, butterflies invading my stomach. I've been dreading this conversation. "Yes?"

He speaks slowly and carefully. "I've been thinking about what happened in the dressing room."

Yep. I have too. What next? Gonna boot me out of the band? Expose me to the public? "OK."

"I know you have feelings for me, Axl."

But you want to keep it at a friendship level. I nod.

"And I've been thinking, and I've decided that I have feelings for you too."

Whoa. I wasn't expecting that. I take a moment to process this information. Oh. My. Word. Slash has feelings for me? "Um, OK."

"I was wondering if...."

"If what?"

"Well, if you're interested on having a relationship, I'm up for it."

"Whoa, um..." I give a nervous laugh. "This is, um, wow. Uh, I wasn't expecting this."

He looks disappointed. "Oh. So you're not up for it?"

"No, I am. I'm just really surprised." I can't contain my smile. I cover my mouth, laughing a little. "Wow."

"So are we...?" He points back and forth between us.

"Together?"

"Yes."

I nod, excited. "Yes."

"Great."

"And if it doesn't work out, we're still friends, right?"

"Of course. Nothing will ever change that."

"Awesome." I can't believe it. This is amazing. After months of hiding my true feelings for him, after living in fear that he would hate me because he found out, I have him. He is mine and no one else's. Sweet relief floods my body, coursing through my veins. I don't know if this relationship will work or how long it will last, but this is do know: right now, I am the luckiest man in the world. I hesitate, then join him on the couch and hug him tight. His arms wrap around me, and I feel his lips brush against my cheek. Yes, I am the luckiest man in the world.