Paralyzer || Barry Allen (The Flash) Fanfiction

Chapter 22: When All Seems Lost

Barry's P.O.V.

Haven's funeral had been a couple days ago, and the numbness still kept its hold on me. It had been almost a week since her death. Nearly a week since Haven had cured Lucy and all seemed to have gone back to the way it was before the Shadow's appearance.

But work just didn't feel the same. Nothing did.

Dr. Wells had fled into hiding after I'd attempted to go after him one night later, but I just didn't seem to have the energy to focus on catching him like I used to. The worst part was that I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about what was going on in my head.

Even though Iris had just recently found out about metahumans and the revelation that I was the Flash, she was still taking some time to process all of the information. She refused to speak to me for a few days, but she did show up to the memorial service to pay her respects.

Of course, everyone else also knew the truth, but that wasn't the problem I was dealing with. It was the overwhelming sense of losing myself after Haven's death, the fact that I simply couldn't seem to find the happiness that had been in my life now that she was gone. I couldn't face the reality that she wouldn't walk back through the front door of the house. I couldn't fathom that seeing her dazzling smile on her face as she greeted me was now forever only meant to be a memory and no longer a reality. I refused to accept what was really true.

Haven was gone and she wasn't coming back.

I walked through the halls of STAR Labs as I made my way to the cortex. It just felt strange to run without purpose when I didn't have my friend running alongside me. Every day I had tried to shake this feeling of sorrow, but I couldn't help it. It was difficult enough losing my mom, but losing another person I loved to another metahuman? It just made things that much harder to accept.

As I made my way through the entrance of the cortex I nearly had a heart attack as I looked up and saw the silhouettes of two additional figures standing in the room alongside Cisco and Caitlin. They were talking amongst themselves quietly until they heard my footsteps. Immediately, they all turned to face me, and my expression changed from that of confusion to joy as I walked over to greet the newcomers.

"Felicity, Oliver!" I smiled as I welcomed my friends. "What are you guys doing here? Is everything okay back in Starling?"

"Everything's fine," Felicity assured as she pulled me in for a hug. When she pulled away she looked me over with sympathy. "How are you, Barry?"

I sighed, uncertain how to respond at first. The short answer was easy — I wasn't fine. Not in the slightest. But they already knew that since they'd both come to the funeral. Since then, I hadn't really paid too much attention to my emotions. I'd been trying to distract myself from feeling too much of anything just so I didn't have to be reminded that I could actually feel pain.

"I still miss her," I finally settled on as I gave her a small half smile.

Felicity returned the smile with her own understanding one, and she embraced me once again. It had been a while since I'd seen the blonde girl, but I was thankful for her company now. Finally, I turned to Oliver, the only person aside from myself in the room at the moment — I wasn't sure where Dr. Stein and Ronnie were — who had been in the bunker that night, and he offered me a sympathetic grin.

He turned to everyone else briefly as he addressed them. "Would you guys mind if I stole Barry for a while?"

The rest of the group of course agreed willingly as Oliver led me out into the halls of STAR Labs. I followed without question, though I probably should have been a little more wary around the man under the hood.