Chapter 1 part 1 of 3

Chapter 2 part 2 of 4

Mark stared around at the open space where he was standing. The lights were bright, blinding, he felt as if he was under a spot light blurring his vision. He noticed the smell of antiseptic; everything looked so white and sterile. There seemed to be noise in the distance which was coming closer and closer, getting louder and louder. The lights made everything look hazy, unclear – as though he was seeing life through cling-film.

He placed his hand above his eyes like a visor; squinting, trying to see through the haze. He started to feel anxious. Where was he? The noise had changed, it sounded like people talking, rushing around – banging things, doors opening and closing. However, he could see no one nor touch anything as there was nothing to touch or see just a plain white empty space.

He felt strange. He sensed it's because he was feeling anxious, scared even, yet his body was not reacting the way it used to. When would the adrenaline kick in? Where was his fight or flight response? He recognized something was wrong. He began to listen for the sound of his breathing being loud and uneven or a heartbeat; it should be raging in his ears about now. Grabbing his wrist, he felt for a pulse, still nothing.

'What's wrong with me?' Mark began to panic, he wanted to run, but his legs seemed weightless beneath him. He glanced at his hands and feet. He was still dressed in the clothes he had been wearing when he left home that morning. Something wasn't right – patting his body from head to toe to determine whether or not he was awake. 'I might be dreaming'. 'I'm not dreaming'. 'You're wide awake in this living nightmare!' His inner voice screamed.

'I need to calm down. Maybe there is too much blood rushing to my head, that's why I can't hear my breathing or feel my heart beating.' He was a Physical Ed Lecturer at the local university. Therefore, he knew enough about biology and the workings of the human anatomy to understand what his mind suggested as a possible explanation was a fallacy. But he needed something to hold on to - to use as a lever in order to rationalise his current physiology or lack of it.

'I'll just stand here for a while with my eyes closed, maybe if I can concentrate on the sounds and movement around me. See if I can recognise anything – get my bearings,' he decided. A high pitch screeching tone started ringing in his ears. His eyes shot opened, his sight foggy at first then started to clear. He could see people in white, light blue and green uniforms, no; overalls – rushing around him. They were moving so quick with no regard for him standing there in the middle of the corridor. Two people rushed by with trollies almost knocked him over. Had he not been quick on his feet - darting out of their way, he 'could have been hurt,' or so he thought.

He could see two people; a tall man wearing a white coat and a woman in what looked like a nursing uniform. They were helping another woman who appeared to be dragging her feet. It was as though they were propping her up. Should either one of those people providing the support were to let her go, she would toppled to the floor. The woman being carried reminded him of someone. Her wavy chestnut brown hair containing auburn streaks which shone when the light hit her hair. Her hair was laying across her face and hung down beyond her shoulder - all very familiar. He couldn't see her face, but he felt he knew her in some way.

Her movements, the clothes she wore seemed to strike something in him. He decided to follow them to the small room next door to see who she was and why he felt he knew her. Maybe he could help in some small way. She was obviously in distress. He should just go up to them and find out who she was and offer his assistance.

Mark entered the room; standing a little to the left of the doorway he addressed the two people as they help the young woman to a seat.

"Excuse me; I think I know this woman. Can I help in anyway?"

The woman with the nurses' uniform looked towards the door where Mark stood. Gazing into her eyes, he noticed she seemed uncomfortable with the situation, sort of awkward and restless. Then as if relieved by his suggestion, she turned to her companion saying, "I think we should go. Leave her for a while. I'll check back on her in a few minutes. I think she needs some time to process all of this." She waved a hand in the air in a circular motion as they move towards the door.

Mark moved out of the way so the couple could pass. He could have sworn the nurse turned in his direction, gave him a smile then nodded towards the woman. Taking this as a signal for him to attempt to see who she was and what he could do to support her in this obvious time of need. He walked towards the table and sat down.

Just as he was about to speak the woman raised her head. He could see her face now. In shock horror he jerked backward falling through the chair, landing painlessly to the floor. Wide eyed he stared at the chair still in tack and unmoved. His eyes darted from the chair to the woman and then back to the chair. It can't be... He sprang to his feet and ran from the room - heading for the other room - the one he had seen them come out of.

When he got to the door he could see them moving his body on to a gurney. He knew it was him. Yet it wasn't him. The version of him lying there on the bed was broken, all busted up. The facial features looked nothing like him. Still he knew it was him. The woman in the other room was his wife Tessie. This was why she was so distress. 'I did this to her.' Things were beginning to make a lot more sense. With an abrupt jolt, a projector went on in his head; every last detail came flooding back to him in slow motion on rewind.

Leaning back against the doorframe, he covered his face with his hands; he looked on as it all flashed before him. He had a front seat view to watch what had happened all over again, this time in reverse until he was back behind the wheel of his car. He'd left work early in pursuit of the perfect charm for a bracelet he had got Tessie as an anniversary present. This had given him the idea to start having little celebrations to mark significant events in their life's journey together.

Why he really wanted to do it was to show Tessie how much he loved and appreciated her. He wanted to shower her in gifts everyday so he came up with the charm bracelet and adding a new charm on their anniversaries, as a method for him to do this one thing for her. Something she could rationalise, so she wouldn't complain about him spending money needlessly. They were very similar in most things but when it came to their finances Tessie was the practical one.

He purchased a small gold unicorn with emerald eyes. It had cost more than he had planned to spend; but when the sales staff told him it was the perfect charm - as the unicorn was a spiritual animal which symbolised purity and grace he had to have it. He also bought a small bunch of flowers and a bottle of red wine and headed for home.

Driving on the motorway he was in the fast lane doing 70 mph when an articulated lorry with European number plates, front two tires blew out causing the vehicle to skid over to the fast lane in front of Mark's car. Although Mark reacted by applying his brakes and turning the steering wheel the lorry was stretched across two lanes. There was no way to avoid a collision. He prayed that the impact would not be fatal. The thought of not seeing his wife again was too painful to contemplate. Mark could see the other cars through his rear view mirror speeding towards him and knew this was going to end badly.