Thank you, Is It Necessary

Gracias a Dios

It had become a habit that on my birthday, I would lock myself up, cry and think of all the things I would like to have but have not.You know every human being is never satisfied. There is always that area where you need more, you wish was better or you want a breakthrough in.This had to do with the death of my mum which left a void in me. A hole that no one could fill but the Creator. I always wish she was here, she always did good things on my birthday and I would want for that to continue. Instead of dealing with this head on i chose to cry about it every year on my birthday, followed with shopping and spars to try and feel better. It's amazing how I enjoyed doing all these things ALONE, I even said no to all dates on my birthday. Switched off my phones, etc

Is it really worthy it; to worst such a strong day wetting my pillows, wishing that what is not was, being miserable. Of course not. Then the urge to have at least someone who deeply cares. A friend, an uncle, an aunt, a sister, somebody, not to mention a dad who is not aware of my existence. He just doesn't care. Believe me, if you take it the wrong way you might actually thing that i am messed up, perhaps I was.

This year it dawned on me that I don't need anyone else to make me happy. It was clear to me that if I'm not happy on my own then no one will make me happy. A miserable person on their own will be a miserable person in a room full of loving people. If you are unhappy by yourself, it doesn't matter where you are, who you are with, you will still be unhappy. In all my years, this is what I have learnt; be happy all by yourself and with yourself, and you will be happy when you have people around you. I have also learnt that instead of counting what you consider your curses, count your blessings. You will see that your blessings are far more than your curses. Matter fact they are not your curses, they are just obstacles you need to overcome, blessings of the future, detained results.

Instead of self-pity, instead of wetting my pillow, instead of I am cursed I began to say I CAN DO THIS. You can do this. I began the day by writing all those things I am grateful for and thanking the Creator. I realized that I am thankful for my life. How the Creator has taken me from one place to another. How He has always been faithful. How HE took me from glory to glory, strength to strength. Yes I am grateful. There is definitely no room for self-pity and wetting my pillow. I have every reason to be thankful. I AM LOVED. Thank you God for all you have done, what you are to do and what you are doing for me.

Gracias a Dios