When Everything Seems Wrong ♡ Newtmas

#6: Cigarette Burns

Thomas couldn't remember a better feeling in the world than waking up with your lover in your arms. He didn't know when him and Newt had fallen asleep, but they lied awake for hours listening to each other's breaths and heartbeats.

Thomas woke before Newt and smiled to himself as the blond snored softly, his arms wrapped around Thomas from behind.

Thomas rolled over so he was facing a still sleeping Newt. He noticed a little bit of drool escaping from the corner of his open mouth, but had to admit he was still the most beautiful person Thomas had ever met.

Thomas reached out his index finger and traced patterns on Newt's bare chest while he thought about how angelic he looked as he slept. His mind also drifted to where last night put their relationship as Newt stirred.

When Newt cracked his eyes open he was surprised to see Thomas staring at him. He held the other boy's gaze for a second, smirking, before Thomas realized that he'd been caught. Thomas' face flushed beet red and Newt couldn't help but lean forward and kiss his glowing nose, he just looked so cute.

"Morning, Tommy," Newt croaked sitting up and running a hand through his bedhead. He knew Thomas wouldn't care how he looked, but he was still self conscious.

"I'm pretty sure it's almost noon," Thomas laughed as he checked his phone on the bedside table. It read 11:37 a.m.

"Hey, I'm a night owl so you better get used to staying up late." Newt gave him a second smirk of the day with a wink, sending Thomas' face into a heat again.

They had spent the whole night in the random bedroom from Teresa's party, probably her parents' who always stayed out of town Friday nights.

"I think we've overstayed our welcome," Newt told Thomas as he rolled out of the king sized bed to find his clothes. He thought it would be best if they fled before seeing any signs of Teresa or any of their other friends who might've spent the night.

Thomas couldn't help but check out Newt as he wandered around the room. Both boys had slipped out of their jeans the night before because they were too hot, so Thomas could admire Newt's whole body.

When he turned Thomas had a clear view of the impressive six pack on Newt's stomach, and he was struck again by how beautiful the British boy was.

Abruptly Newt's eyes met his and he rolled them at Thomas. "Where are my shucking pan- Nevermind. Quit your bloody gawking Tommy and let's go get some pancakes, I'm starved. Plus we got a lot to talk about." Thomas couldn't agree more.

***

Newt and Thomas walked through the town past small shops on the way to the run down family diner they decided to eat at. There was a chilly wind blowing through the streets foreshadowing the icy months to follow and Thomas noticed Newt was shivering. He tried to slip his arm around his waist to warm him, but as he was reaching over Newt bent down to tie his shoe.

Was that a coincidence? Thomas thought to himself. Newt straightened up and gave Thomas a small smile and they were walking again. Coincidence or not, Thomas didn't try it again.

When they got to the mostly empty diner they chose a booth beside the front window and sat facing each other. A waitress came and took their order, promising to 'be back soon' as she disappeared into the kitchen.

Thomas watched as Newt calmly played with the sugar packets on the table, but Thomas certainly wasn't calm. He kept shifting in his seat, waiting for Newt to bring up one of the many things they needed to talk about. The playful and flirty demeanour from that morning had obviously been blown away with the wind.

The waitress returned and gave them both a plate of chocolate chip pancakes and left again, as she walked away Newt made a sound to clear his throat looking up from the checked table to meet Thomas' stare.

"It's okay to ask you know," Newt said and started twiddling his thumbs. He couldn't sit still either.

"What do you mean?" Thomas asked. There was so much Thomas wanted to talk about and he was sure Newt felt the same, but he wasn't sure what Newt was giving permission for.

"I mean don't be nervous to bring anything up," Newt said with a somber look, like he thought he'd regret it.

"I promise I won't run away screaming. I'm ready to talk about everything." Newt wanted a chance to explain his earlier actions, but he also knew they couldn't be forgiven easily. Especially the scene in his dorm.

Thomas was completely prepared for that moment, he'd rehearsed all the questions he'd been dying to ask in case an opportunity like this ever came up. "What changed between us? Why were you dancing with Brenda last night? And why did you think being gay way so wrong?

Newt sighed, knowing Thomas' questions were all going to be difficult to answer. "I was dancing with Brenda because I was drunk. It started as playful but when she came on to me I was imagining it was you all over me." Thomas noticed a blush had turned Newt's face pink, and his own face turned into a cheeky grin. Newt was relieved Thomas forgave him so quickly and so he continued.

"As for what changed and why I thought being -" He paused considering his next words. "- why I thought being gay was so wrong, that's a long, painful story." Newt told Thomas turning his hard state back to the table.

"It's okay Newt, you don't have to continue." Thomas was concerned but didn't want to push Newt to open up. Thomas considered himself a pretty good judge of character, and could sense there were many memories haunting Newt.

"No, Tommy. You deserve an explanation of why I was acting so bloody cruel." Newt was looking back at Thomas when he said this, and motioned his head to something underneath the table.

His hand was outstretched, reaching for Thomas'. And he grabbed Newt's with their food long forgotten. Newt took a big breath before he started talking.

"It started when I was fourteen. I had been getting these strange butterflies whenever I saw or talked to this boy in my class, Alex. I caught myself staring at him in boring lessons and during lunch, fantasizing about holding his hand and touching his face. Back then my father and I were very close, we had to be since my mom offed herself a year earlier, so he was the one I went to to confess my feelings. That was a mistake.

"The first time he made me lay face down on the bed as he whipped my bare back with a belt one hundred times. He told me that what I felt for Alex was wrong, that he could never be as disgusting as me and feel the same.

"My father asked me everyday when I got home from school if I looked at or talked to Alex, and at the beginning I always told the truth, that I had. Which meant another hundred whips on my back. After a week of just whipping me I guess he thought that wasn't enough, so he started putting out his cigarette behind my ear.

"Alex moved away actually after two months and my father knew, but he kept beating me until the end of my junior year when he overdosed on cocaine and died." Newt was staring out the window at the people waking the autumn streets as he ended the story.

Thomas thought Newt had a troubled past, but he didn't know that the boy had been scarred this badly. Thomas realized in that moment how much he cared for Newt, and he vowed to never let anyone hurt him again.

"And I decided the other day," Newt continued. "If I continued to deny my feelings for you Tommy I was letting that sick man control me even from the bloody grave. That's what changed."

He quickly gave Thomas' hand a squeeze before starting to eat his cold pancakes. Thomas squeezed back but didn't touch his plate, his appetite had disappeared. Thomas kept repeating the same thing in his head as he watched his lover eat.

No one will ever hurt my Newt again.

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A/N

Sad chapter, but some background was needed.

I really need to update more often but I've been going through a lot of crap lately (not tryin to make excuses). Thank you to the people that have left me some nice comments to support me, I really appreciate it.

P.S. Should I start question of the chapter to get to better know my readers?

Xoxo
Ri ♡