Despite that, though, he was still the one person I could confide in who I knew wouldn't judge me, and he was the one person who was always guaranteed to make me feel better. Dating had just felt like a natural step. Kat would never understand how hard it would be to give that up, to pretend it had never happened and to move on with my life, without Matt in it. Maybe things weren't perfect all the time, but no relationship was perfect. This made up for it, though. I couldn't imagine having this with another person, this easiness of being together. Matt knew all my flaws. I knew all of his. He was always honest with me, but sensitively honest, a skill that Kat was yet to master. To an outsider, like Kat, maybe it did appear that he didn't treat me that well, but she didn't see us alone and understand how good he could be.
Over lunch, something else hit me. I'd miss his family. Thinking about splitting up with Matt was something that was on my mind a lot, mainly because Kat kept bringing it up. But it was something that upset me. He was a huge part of my life and I just wished Kat would realise that. She was so obsessed with us breaking up that she refused to accept how I actually felt and how a separation might affect me.
"How are your family, Isobel?" Matt's mum asked me.
"They're fine thanks," I replied politely, trying to disguise the flavour of the baked beans by embedding them in mash potato for each mouthful. I hated baked beans, but I'd always been too shy to admit that to Matt's family. And as time went on, it became too late to admit that I hated them, and so I just had to quietly get on with it and hope that my taste buds would develop and eventually accommodate the foul flavour.
As we headed back up to his room after dessert, Matt's younger sister, Emily, called to me from inside her bedroom
"Izzy! Help me with this?" she asked pleadingly, appearing in the doorway.
Matt's arm wound around my waist. "She doesn't have time, Em. She's leaving in an hour."
"It's fine," I told her, shooting Matt a quick, reassuring smile. "It won't take long. What's up?"
I followed her into the bedroom and stood behind her chair while she explained the work to me on her computer.
"We're supposed to translate these for homework but I left my book at school and I don't know some of the words—"
"Use a translator?" Matt suggested impatiently.
"Matt, it won't take a second," I assured him, my voice firmer this time.
Ignoring his protests, I began to help her out with the Spanish words that she didn't know. Matt's hand slid around my waist again, squeezing slightly to remind me of what I was missing out on by helping his sister. He'd already made a comment about me leaving in an hour, so I knew exactly what he was wanting to do.
Ten minutes later, the work was done. Emily thanked me profusely, while simultaneously glaring at her brother, and then we continued to Matt's room. He sat down on the bed and immediately switched on the television.
"It's just quicker than typing all the words into a translator," I explained, taking a seat next to him.
"I guess," he murmured, flicking through the channels.
I inched closer and waited for him to put his arm around me. He didn't. He settled on a channel and then leant backwards, resting against the wall with his hands linked behind his head in a relaxed pose.
"Are you pissed?" I asked bluntly.
"Why would I be pissed?" he replied calmly, not taking his eyes from the screen.
I ignored him, refusing to entertain his immature mood-swing; I certainly wasn't going to apologise when I hadn't done anything wrong.
We didn't spend my last fifty minutes doing what we'd planned, but that was so often the case. Sometimes it was like Matt didn't care if we made the most of our time together or not. I'd just learnt to accept that. After all, relationships weren't just about the physical side of things.
At three o'clock, Dad texted me to say he was outside. Matt walked me to the door and we shared a brief hug and a peck on the lips. I waited for a few seconds as we gazed into each other's eyes.
When it became clear that Matt had no intention of saying anything else, I simply smiled and said bye once more before pulling the door open and heading down the path to meet my dad. I didn't understand the big deal. Matt said he loved me enough times over text; didn't he realise it would mean more if he said it to my face? I'd never said it to his face, but purely because I didn't trust him to say it back. And that ate away at me more than Matt probably realised.
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Thank you for reading :)xx
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