Goner; poetry

01

Sweet façade

With every sweet word you said,
another flower was planted in my lungs,
another butterfly spread its wings in my stomach,
you gave me the strength
to repair the crumbling walls

of the brain i had been trapped with.

Every sweet lie you told me,
spread a smile across my face.
How could I have been so naïve?

The flowers planted,
sent me struggling to catch my breath,
the butterflies in my stomach,
slowly flew away,
as I realized what you truly were.
i couldn't find the will

to continue building the walls
that i had tried to fix.

your games had tricked me,
and as much as I hate to admit it,
I loved to hear those lies tumbling out of your sweet lips,
I loved to hear you call me yours,
I loved you,
or at least who I thought you were.
I loved the mask you wore, 
not the person hiding behind it. 

I believed you meant every,

single,

word you said.
Every "I love you."
But I guess that's what I get,
for being so foolish.

The flowers- now wilted and dead,
sit in the dark corners of my lungs.
their roots, soaking up every pathetic tear i shed. 
every tear that you did not deserve.
and sometimes, i wish i could reach my hands
inside my chest
and rip them out.

the butterflies have vanished,
leaving me missing,
your beautiful lies,
and your sweet,
façade,
and I hate it,
and I despise you,
for making me fall for,
an amazing liar.
Fuck, do I loathe you,
for making me love you,
you sick,
beautiful,
awful person,

and I see that you're,
doing fine without me,
do you see how you tear me apart?
Do you see through the smile,
on my face?
Of course you do,
and you love it,
don't you?
You love that you've hurt me.
After all, that's what you wanted,
wasn't it?

I feel bad,
for you,
and for the next girl,
that you trap,
in your web of lies.
I feel a bitter mixture,
of hate,
and sympathy for you.
It must really eat at you,
to know that you'll never,
ever,
find real love.

The fact that you,
will only ever hurt,
but never actually care.
I'll move on from you,
I'll find someone else,
who really makes me happy,
who really loves me,
but you,
will always be trapped,
in this cycle,
of hate,
and lies,
and hurt.
And so I pity you,
and your sick games,
and your beautiful lies,
and your sweet façade.

s.h ✿