(Transformers) Soundwave's secret

Chapter 19.

Femme moved her servos and started slowly lifting herself to the sitting position, her processor starting to analyze all these progrm-glitching processor-breaking mess that had happened to her.

She was on the Autobot base. Again. Now: reasons and possible consequences...

What had the spies found out exactly?

Did Autobots know that 'Cons had deleted her datas or her being a neutral... Was that the reason she was retrieved?

An almost unnoticeable new feeling started rising in her spark...

It was ignored.

Did they want information? Her to betray Decepticons? (If you could call giving information about the ones you were not with as a betrayal...)

And even if so, why shouldn't she give them what they wanted. They saved her and they were fighting against Megatron.

No.

That was the tricky part. They were fighting against the Decepticon leader but it was the Decepticons who would face the strength of the enemy. She spent too much time arround them. Not all were real Decepticons, most of them were not. They were not sparkless and cold energoned bots. They were pretending in order to servive. They had once believed Megatron and were now paying for their mistake by living in the world of Decepticons.

Yes, lots of them just wanted to survive. So did she.

They were pretending in order to survive. So did she...

Autobots had other problems and reasons. But they wanted to survive as well.

Decepticons were not perfect, so were not 'Bots.

And here she was, not being able to chose the side, clearly realizing that both were nor right, nor wrong. Most of the disaster was created by Megatron and his true Decepticons that made others fight for them.

The uncomfortable feeling arrised in Soundwave again, it was more noticeable now.

'Distracting feelings...' This was not time for them.

Unfortunately or luckily, Decepticons saw Soundwave as one of this true Decepticons.

She was not.

Still, this fake belief brought both advantages and disadvantages... She was not proud of her position but had to admite that being a hightly rancked Decepticon was just giving her more abilities in order to stay neutral and help both sides than becoming an untrusted Autobot and trying to do the same...

But now there were even more things to consider, she had no information and the helm was going to explode!

The feeling finally won, and Soundwave couldn't ignore it anymore...

She messed up. She was waving a web and then was caugh in it. And now had no idea what to do...

'Agh!' Soundwave signed deeply.

It was again the time when her life was turning upside down. She should have gotten used to it, actually, but this was easier said than done.

Her spark started working faster. Everything was going to change again. May be it wasn't a catastrophe but the most important thing was missing...

And the feeling of loneliness in her spark overtook her and a drops of cooler, that she was fighting, appeared in her optics.

Each time they were with her. Ravage was there from the beginning. He was the first.

Datas, programs, Autobots and Decepticons, their stupid misunderstandings and this miserable world they locked themselves into! She hated that! It was so meaningless! It was rubbish. And she had once made herself a part of it in order to survive the things that she new were coming. She realized that there were so many others, who made the same decision, and right now Soundwave just wanted to get rid of everything that happend and get her life back.