Second Chances | Luke Hemmings

Second Chances pt. 7

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!" you interrupted with a yell, emotion pouring out of you, making your whole body shake and your vision get blurry and your fists clench by your sides. You cried in front of him and your built up walls were crumbling inside you. "I don't give a shit," you repeated, words coming out as quieted sobs. Your chest was heaving and your tears were falling on your T-shirt, and your eyes hurt and your pulse ringed in your ears. And your whole body shook with pain and hate, and love.

Once again, Luke was shocked and he just stood there staring at you. His soul was aching and his heart was breaking, but he could only stare at you. He wanted to hold you, touch your hot skin with his cold fingers and calm you down with his soft touch. He wanted to lay with you until he could hear your breathing settle and play with your hair until you hummed in pleasure. He wanted to kiss your lips and pull you close until you'd never want to leave again. But he only watched you tremble in front of him, his own vision getting less clear every second.

"I don't give a shit if you're sorry," you repeated again. "I don't need your sorry, I don't need shit from you." You spat, unable to calm your own body down. "The only thing I ever needed from you was love," you choked out a sob, "and even with a vow you couldn't give me that." You breathed out, clenching your teeth in preparation for your last words. "So you can shove that sorry up your ass, because I don't need shit from you." You spat out again, pushing past his dumbfounded self and walking off down the hallway.

You thought he'd leave you alone, you really thought your words would have an effect on him, but instead of leaving you be, he ran up to you, grabbing you by the waist and turning you around. He gripped you closed and you watched his bloodshot eyes bore into yours. "I know you hate me and you don't need anything from me, but I told you this a month ago and I will tell you the same thing now – I will not make a mistake of losing you ever again." He breathed out, his blues boring into your eyes and you could feel all emotion drain out of you, as your eyes flicked down to his lips and back up to his eyes.

"Don't make promises you cannot keep," you whispered, pushing at his chest to free yourself from his embrace and stepping backwards. You looked at him for a second before turning around and walking away.

* * *

You were half-asleep when you heard the doorbell ring, making you jump from your bed. You quietly checked if the loud sound had woken up Theo before going up to the door, attempting to make as little sound as possible, in case the person was listening. You heard a loud knock and Luke's low voice flow through the door, calming down your racing heart.

"What are you doing here?" You asked the moment your eyes settled on Luke. "It's 3 am, Luke." You pointed out.

But he only stepped forward, "I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't sit down and I can't lie down. I can't do anything." You watched Luke as he stepped inside, light finally illuminating his tired face, his eyes bloodshot from the tears he'd harshly dried on his cheeks with his sleeve, his hair dishevelled from his fingers pulling on them trying to figure out what to do, his lips swollen from constant biting, his hands trembling from a number of drinks he'd poured himself that night.

It's been nine long days since your fight and you two hadn't had any contact since. Your mind was filled with thoughts of him everyday, but you had no idea his heart wouldn't stop throbbing in his chest late at night, his thoughts wouldn't show anything but your broken face in his mind and the tears wouldn't stop even when he's in the shower.

Luke pulled you by the hands towards himself, his fingertips digging into your palms. "I need you," he breathed, his eyes dropping down to your lips. "Please," his voice barely audible, "I need you," he only had to blink once for the tears to spill down his cheeks. His words were slow and quiet and it made your heart beat a little faster.

He licked his red lips, his fingers lifting up to grab your face gently. "I can't go like this," he shook his head ever so gently, his eyes still focused on your lips, "I can't do this. I can't," he shook his head again, tears hot on his cheeks, as his fingers gripped your face harder, not wanting to let go. You smelled alcohol from his hot breathing on your lips and you saw dried blood on his lips where he'd bit too hard. "Please, I need you," he repeated for the third time that night. And finally, his eyes lifted up to meet yours.

You saw his dilated pupils and you saw his bloodshot eyes, and it made you wonder if he had only come to you because he wasn't sober. But the way his eyes dropped down to watch his thumb slowly run across your cheek, how he bit his lip, when his fingertip touched your bottom one, how his eyebrows frowned a little after a second of inspecting your face. His eyes lifted up to meet yours again, "Did I wake you up?" he asked ever so softly and surprisingly off topic, but his eyes showed concern and his fingers never left your skin.

You gently shook your head with a hard swallow. He only nodded a little, quietly whispering "Good," before going back to tracing his fingers around your skin, his eyes inspecting every bit he touched.

"Luke?" You spoke up softly after a minute of silence, during which he seemed to have calmed down. He slowly lifted his eyes up to look into yours and suddenly he pulled his hands away, staring at you.

"You want me to leave," he stated quietly, watching you. And you somehow couldn't mutter out a sound, as his eyes welled up with tears and he stepped back with a soft nod of his head. "I understand. You don't want me here." He tried to fake a smile like it was fine, but his lips only twitched a little, as he turned around and closed the door behind himself.