sunday || hemmings

[ four ]

[ four ]

-

Beloved, thou hast brought me many flowers
Plucked in the garden, all the summer through
And winter, and it seemed as if they grew
In this close room, nor missed the sun and showers,
So, in the like name of that love of ours,
Take back these thoughts which here unfolded too,
And which on warm and cold days I withdrew
From my heart's ground. Indeed, those beds and bowers
Be overgrown with bitter weeds and rue,
And wait thy weeding; yet here's eglantine,
Here's ivy!— take them, as I used to do
Thy flowers, and keep them where they shall not pine.
Instruct thine eyes to keep their colours true,
And tell thy soul, their roots are left in mine.

-Elizabeth Browning, Sonnet XLIV

-

luke sat in the pew, surrounded by people he didn't really know. 

it was calum's funeral, and people from all over had come to bid him a last goodbye. family, friends, and fans were there to console luke. but he only wanted to be alone. he had just lost the last of his brothers, his closest friends. luke hemmings was the last living member of five seconds of summer.

inside the chapel, he kept his head down during the religious ceremony. he didn't have the heart to lift his gaze to look at the casket. luke felt guilty. 

he had fallen asleep while he should have been taking care of calum that night.

everyone assured him he wasn't at fault. but luke felt as though he were just as guilty as rose. and now he was beginning to feel guilty about her death as well. at the time that it happened, he felt like she deserved it. now he thought of her husband and the people who loved her, they had done nothing wrong. he though of how they must have been feeling. probably as terrible as he felt about calum, michael, and ashton.

the religious ceremony was near over when luke got up from his seat abruptly.

the priest at the altar stopped in his sermon about calum and all eyes fell on luke. but he felt unable to breathe. he felt his breathing quicken and needed some air, he needed to get out of there.

his footsteps were quick paced until they turned into running steps, his hand reached to loosen the black tie around his neck which at the moment was feeling very much like a noose. people called after him, but he paid no attention to their words. he just ran, and he didn't stop running until he reached a certain destination. 

it was the catholic church where mary grace spent her sunday afternoons practicing the piano before the seven o'clock mass.

by now there were tears flowing out of luke's ocean blue eyes. still, he was able to find his way to one of the back pews that were in the darkness provided by afternoon shadows. it was not yet dark enough outside that the lights were needed inside. as he sat there, watching her play the piano oblivious to his presence, he thought about the irony of the situation. he had just left a church, to go to another church. but the other was full of strangers mourning his best friend. none of them truly knew his friends like he did.

but this church was a place where he could feel peace.

he wished for a moment that calum could be alive to see it. but if his friends were alive and well, the last thing on luke's mind would have been visiting a church.

mary grace finished her piece beautifully, her concentration pulling away from the grand piano where her fingers had been dancing over the ivory keys just moments earlier. that was when she finally spotted luke sitting in the back.

"oh luke," she commented with a bright smile, her voice echoed in the emptiness of the chapel. "you're dressed up for the afternoon mass. that's wonderful." she had no way of knowing he was dressed for a funeral. he hadn't mentioned it to her. 

she got up from her seat in front of the piano and gestured for him to come closer.

he cut the distance between them and she led him to the first pew in the dimly lit church. there, the two sat down. 

"what's wrong?" she asked him when she noticed his expression.

"i was at my best friend's funeral." her explained. "and i ran out because i couldn't take it anymore. everyone says god is love. but if that's true...then why is he letting me suffer this way?" his vision became once again blurred by the tears that were escaping. luke felt alone, like he had no one left. it sure seemed that way to him.

mary grace took his hand in hers and gave it a light squeeze. "god tests people. he sends us difficult tests to see if our faith is true. but he loves his children and rewards the most faithful."

luke laughed bitterly. "maybe that's why he hasn't rewarded me yet. i don't have any faith."

"don't forget it." she told him, her hands still holding his tightly. "god loves all his children."

"if he loves me, he should kill me." luke muttered under his breath. "i want to be with my brothers."

"don't say that." mary grace scolded him. in that moment, she let go of his hands and instead cupped his face in her hands. her bright blue eyes looked directly into his. her eyebrows were furrowed into a look of displeasure at his previous words. "you have so much to live for. and your friends are with you, in your heart, as long as you remember them. a person isn't truly dead until they have been forgotten."

luke cracked a small smile. "are you an angel, mary grace?"

if god really cared about him, maybe he had sent mary grace just for him.

"what?" she eyed him, confused.

his hands reached up and grabbed her hands, pulling them away from his face gently. he held her hands in his hold. 

"everything you just told me," he began, "it gave me a strange feeling of hope."

"i just wouldn't want you to do something terrible to yourself." she said.

"maybe you're right." luke thought aloud.

when she said nothing after a moment, he added,

"we were destined to meet."

it was the fourth sunday.

-

why did it take me so damn long to update this? i had so many great ideas for this plot and now they're all gone bc i never jot down things. i assumed the ideas would remain stores in my brain forever. 

but thank you all for still reading this. it means a lot. i know im a bad author.

sorry.

i love you.

blessings, clary xx