Paralyzer || Barry Allen (The Flash) Fanfiction

Chapter 10: High-Tensions

So many thoughts swam in my head, spinning the world around me until I was forced to sit down or faint. So, I sat on top of the hill, the very same one that Barry and I had sat on as we watched the lunar eclipse, and I let the tears flow.

How had my life come to the point where I was reduced to crying with no one to comfort me? I'd always had someone by my side, but it felt that, more often than not, I was now having to face the struggles in my life alone. It was slowly breaking me.

I looked up to the moon, a bit of black ebbing at the white brightness as it began to wane each day. Taking in a deep, shaky breath, I spoke softly.

"Why me?" I whispered to myself and the silence of the moon. "So many others could have been given these powers, could have handled them better than I ever will... But it had to be me. Now I'm cursed. I'm falling for someone who now despises me, and I still can't get over him. Whenever I try and help I only seem to be anger the people around me. I wasn't made for this life. So what am I supposed to do?"

The air around me remained still, and I knew I wasn't going to get an answer. Not from my own mind and certainly not from the moon. Once again, I was shown just how lonely my life had become.

I didn't have the motivation I needed to run back to STAR Labs, nor did I have the strength to face Barry again once he came home. Like the day I'd woken up in the cave, I was back to sleeping in the wilderness, at least for the night.

It was a rather chilly night, and a slight breeze sent shivers through my body. Still, there was nothing in this world that could make me leave the spot I rested in now. If I was needed, then someone could come find me. It would never come to that, though.

Central City already had its hero. It didn't need my help.

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I loved waking up with the sun, especially now as I sat on this little green hill. Hugging my knees tight to my chest and resting my chin on top of them, I watched the ball of fire peeked over the horizon. The sky's vibrant pink and orange color eventually faded into a soft blue as Earth's star rose higher above the surface.

I'd probably been awake for no more than an hour, and I knew it was only around seven-thirty or so, given that the sunrise had occurred at about six-thirty. Another benefit of this ability to rise with the sun meant that I kind of had a built in clock in my brain. Time was never an issue unless I was impaired, like when I'd been drunk.

Everything was peaceful until I sensed his presence, until I knew that he was standing right behind me. My muscles tensed a bit, but I didn't turn around to face him or even open my mouth to speak. It took a moment before he got the message that I wasn't going to be the first to break the silence between us.

"Thought I might find you up here," Barry began hesitantly. I continued to remain quiet, and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "You know, Joe was worried about you last night."

"Good to know. Tell him I'm sorry and that I'm fine," I mumbled, still refusing to glance in his direction. I picked at the grass on the hilltop, distracting my mind from the pain, guilt, and anger by entertaining myself with the dewdrops that dripped off the strips of green.

I could hear Barry sigh almost in a way that sounded like defeat, and, a few seconds later, he was sitting next to me on the dewey leaves. A silence enveloped us for a few minutes aside from the birds singing their usual morning songs. I had to fight back the urge to beg for Barry's forgiveness and to reach out to hug him. I was a stubborn one, and I wasn't going to be the first to crack. Thankfully, I didn't have to be.