Going To Be

Chapter Five - True Love Waits -Jackson POV

As I took the long walk through the building down to my car in the parking, it took every fiber of strength inside of my body not to turn and run back up to our apartment and tell her I didn't want to do any of it. Staying with her was all I needed. But I couldn't be the reason she didn't do something she wanted to.

Leaving her felt all kinds of wrong, but it was right for now. Wasn't it?

I sat in my car and let out a stifled breath, I wasn't even sure where to go; or why I was going. Running on autopilot, I managed to make my way to a hotel, I called Bevan and asked for an immediate start on the tour. I didn't bother mentioning the change in my relationship. We didn't have that kind of understanding. Our connection was purely professional, and it seemed we were both happy to keep it that way. He said he'd organize a jet to leave the next night.

Opening for Mission to Mars was meant to feel amazing, but I couldn't wash the hollow feeling where my excitement was meant to be. Still, while leaving felt weird, wrong even, it was something I had to do.

**

As much as I tried, I didn't sleep. The bed was comfortable and the blankets were warm, but without Amber beside me it may as well have been an ice box. Without her body curved in to mine, without her sleepy whimpers in the middle of the night; without her I wasn't me.

I called Daniel around 8am, the phone didn't even ring before he picked up and gave me a brusque hello. I knew he'd be pissed, I'd left him with Amber as she cried over something I had done,. I swallowed back a ball of emotion, and forced the memory from my mind because the vision of Amber crying was too much to bear.

"Dan, please. You have to understand. We've both got these amazing opportunities, and we won't see each other for months." I said once the call connected, without even waiting for him to ask any questions, or even say hello.

"Oh I understand that you, out of the blue broke up with the love of your life without even discussing other possibilities dick weed." Daniel sounded as pissed as I had expected, but the name calling was an added bonus.

"Don't give me shit, until Hana you couldn't keep a steady relationship." I scathed. But underneath it all I knew he was right, I'd had such a bad case of tunnel vision that I had decided for us. I hadn't even given Amber a chance.

"Yeah, and I was miserable. Look, she loves you. Talk to her, sought this out; preferably before you go shit for brains." Daniel retorted.

"Stop calling me names jerk off." I bit back a smile, although it was tinged with sadness. This wasn't how I had wanted things to go. Two days ago I didn't expect to be in this position and if anyone had told me otherwise I wouldn't have been amused, but here I was sitting alone in a hotel room while everything between us was so uncertain.

"Stop being a dummy then." His voice was knowing, he had been there before after all.

"Fine." I conceded after a few seconds. "Fuck. I really messed up didn't I?"

"No shit Sherlock." He replied. "Stop wasting time talking to me idiot."

I obeyed him and hung up without saying another word, every minute wasted was a minute I didn't get to see Amber. I ran down to the reception of the hotel and checked out. I called Amber over and over, but she didn't answer any of the calls. I knew she'd probably be getting ready for her class at midday. It was almost 10am when I made it back to the apartment. I ran up the stairs, frustrated that the elevator was taking too long. I hesitated at the door, not sure if I should knock or use my key. In the end I used my key and walked inside.

Amber walked out of the bedroom, she was in my clothes, looking exhausted and tearful. I walked toward her and pulled her in to my arms. She slackened against me and let out a loud sob. Guilt pulsed through my veins, I hated that this was my fault.