Crispy Fried Chicken

kentucky fried mistakes

It all started when I was hungry.

I was on my way to go to buy a lamp, since last time it didn't go so well.

I had stopped at kfc because my stomach was hungrier for chicken than Arzaylea was for Luke's dick.

Walking in, I thought it would be better if I stayed to eat because I was too tired to walk back to my car.

While I was staring at the menu I heard a squeaky voice with an australian accent saying "Hi! Welcome to kfc! What would you like to order?"

"Just some chicken please." I responded.

"Ok, how much chicken? Would you liked it spiced?" he winked at me.

"Nah I'm good." I said pulling out my wallet.

"No, no, nO," the kfc employee said stopping me from pulling my wallet out further, "this one is on the house"

It's not what I thought would happen, but I didn't argue because I didn't have that much cash on me. I started toward the waiting area so I could pick up my order. As soon as I got it I went to go sit at a table, when I heard some rustling behind me, so I turned around. Sure enough, there was the employee.

"Hey, so um, I never got to introduce myself. I'm Ashton by the way." the employee squeaked out.

"Well hello Ashton. Care to join me?" I wave a hand at the other chair opposite of me.

"Yeah, sure!"

We sat there talking as I ate, and even though I kept offering him some food, he still didn't want to eat. I started getting up to leave to go buy my lamp when I see Ashton smiling at me.

"Yes?"

"I just, uh, wanted to um, give you my number, you know."

"Yeah of course!"

I entered his number into my phone and vice-versa, and I made my way out.

• • •

The next day I had set up my lamp and sat on the couch checking my messages when I saw that Ashton texted, so not feeling the whole texting thing I just decided to give him a call.

"Hey Ashton, I was wondering if you were doing anything today? We should hang out!"

I heard his squeaky australian voice talk but I couldn't really understand what he was saying.

"What, sorry?"

"I said yes, yes of course!"

Later, I met him at his apartment so we could go out, but he wasn't done changing so I awkwardly sat in the living room when he came out in only a banana hammock (I'm not going to lie I was a bit turned on).

"So, um, care to join me?" he says in a totally not squeaky voice. What happened to his usual mousey demeanor?

"Sure I guess." I said making my way into the bedroom, not knowing what I was getting myself into.

Chicken.

Chicken everywhere.

There was just so much chicken.

"Is, is this your kink?"

"If it's too much I can just eat it"

"No, no it's alright."

"theN LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED"

Ashton tackled me onto the bed and started kissing me roughly. I kissed him back, and thingls let to other things and I started putting a condom on him, you know, so no babies.

After all was done, we fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up to Ashton quietly sobbing.

"Ashton? Are you ok?"

"I need to tell you something."

"Ok what is it?"

"The um, the condom broke." He said breaking down into more sobs.

"Ashton it's ok, I'll just have an abortion."

"Oh." He quieted up. "So..."

"Lets dO IT AGAIN"

"HELL YEAH"

So we collapsed on each other and did it over and over again until there was nothing left of us.

• • •

The time had come. We stood outside the abortion clinic holding hands and thinking about our future. I stepped inside the clinic, still holding hands with Ashton when the receptionist greeted us. She sat us down inside a waiting room and we waited there for a while when a doctor greeted us and brought us into a room which looked to be where the abortions happened.

Ashton gripped my hand tight when the doctor was talking to us.

"I'm just going to stick the abortionater 3000 up your vaginal cavity to retrieve the fetus."

Finally it was gonna happen. The doctor started shoving a tube up my vagina, which made Ashton grip my hand even tighter. Suddenly, the tube started sucking and the doctor screamed. I looked down and started screaming too. There was chicken escaping my vagina and into a weirdly shaped vacuum. Not just any chicken though, crispy fried kfc chicken. Ashton got wide eyed. I heard his stomach growling.

"Ashton?"

"I um, yeah?"

"You ok?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Quickly, he snatched a crispy fried chicken wing from the abortionater 3000 and gobbled it up.

"ASHTON THAT IS MY DEAD FETUS WHAT ARE YOU DOING"

"I'M HUNGRY OK"

• • •

And that's the story on how Ashton Irwin and I had got a lifetime ban from an abortion clinic.

THE END.