Memories || Calum Hood

42

'Can I ask you something?' Calum asked quietly.
We were back at my apartment, cuddled up under a blanket on the couch.
We put on a movie like we usually did but neither of us was paying attention to it.
I nodded, looking up at him, I knew what he was going to ask me.
'What was your grandma talking about?' he asked, softly pulling his fingers through my hair.
I sighed and looked down at my hands, it wasn't that this was a hard thing for me to talk about, it just wasn't something you tell everybody during a regular conversation.
'I got sick when I was 6,' I started 'It's not that big of a deal I have pills for it now and my hear grew back and no one really talked about it anymore'
'You still have it?' Calum frowned.
I nodded, looking at the movie for a second.
'It's called Hypothyroidism. Which basically means I have a slow working thyroid,' I explained.
'But it's nothing to worry about. I just take the pills and it'll work the way it's supposed to be'
'How does that cause hair loss then?' he asked.
'Your thyroid produces hormones, you need those hormones in order for your hair to grow and my thyroid started working slower so my hair stopped growing and fell out. The doctors did a lot of tests and stuff to make sure I didn't have cancer or any other disease but they couldn't find anything. I really just have a slow working thyroid. They test my blood every year to make sure everything's still good' I said, looking up at him and smiling.
Calum nodded, still looking a little concerned.
'Are you sure about this?' he asked.
'Absolutely. I always get tested somewhere in august or October. I'm completely healthy'
Calum nodded, not sure what to say.
I looked at him and sat up straight, my legs on either side of his body.
'Do I look unhealthy to you?' I asked.
Calum looked at me and shook his head.
'You do look a little tired though' he said, placing his hand on my cheek and softly running his thumb over the dark circles under my eyes.
'I know,' I smiled. 'But I'm healthy'
Calum nodded, deep in thought, before he started talking again.
'Is this one of the books you have in your tattoo?' Calum asked.
I nodded, lifting my shirt up only to find my tattoo partially covered by my bra again.
Calum looked at me, a small smile covering his face as I pulled my shirt over my head.
'Okay, I'll explain this now' I said, allowing him to push the side of my bra up a little.
'The teddy bear you see here,' I started, pointing at the teddy bear that was sitting on the right side of my tattoo. 'Represents my life up until I turned 6, I actually had a teddy bear that looked exactly like this back then. The first book, the one with the little pills on the spine, is from when I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism because I'm going to have to take these pills for the rest of my life and it became a part of me since then. And the second book, the one that says "Look at the sky" is the eh...the accident where my family passed away'
'What does "look at the sky" stand for?' Calum asked, tracing the tattoo with his fingers.
'When I was little, I used to be angry or stressed or sad quite a lot. My mom would always come into my room. She'd make me sit by the window and look up at the sky and she'd always tell me the exact same thing: "Look at the sky, think about how far away it is, how it will take you forever to get all the way up there. Think about how many stars there are and how big they actually are, but how small we see them. Think about the other planets, thousands of lightyears away from here. Now look at the world from up there, look at all the people walking around and doing their jobs, and walking their dogs, they all have their own problems. Look at how small they are and now look at how small your problems are" and I would instantly feel better.' I explained 'It's also the thing Nani told me the day the accident happened and she saw the black smoke hanging in the air'
Calum looked at me in awe. As if he only now just realized who was sitting in front of him.
As if this was the first time, he looked at me, and really saw me, really knew me.
'The blank space of the bookshelf is a reminder that no matter how hard things get, it's not the end. There's a whole bookshelf to fill with memories, and that gives me a reason to push through the thing that I call my life' I said, smiling at him.
Calum nodded, pressing a kiss against my lips and pulling me in a hug on top of him.
'I love you' he said, taking the blanket and draping it around me.
'And I understand now why you don't feel like explaining the meaning behind your tattoo to everyone.'
I looked at him and smiled, pressing my lips against his.
'I love you too'