What is love? For others it means having someone to hold on to. For some it only means sex. For me, love is when you find that special someone that makes your heart beat fast even if you've laid eyes on them a million times. It's when you still get butterflies every time you talk or touch. Love is when you miss someone the moment you guys separate. In short, love is a sensational feeling that can complete your life... Or ruin it.
I wouldn't say i know how it feels to fall in love. Because usually love includes BOTH individuals feeling the same for each other. I guess I was never blessed with the gift of love. Yes, some guys has fallen for me, but I doubt that any of them had true feelings for me. All the guys I've met are either taken or douchebags. Others, were considered better off as friends. Most of my friends are boys. Firstly, because I find it easy to talk to boys and instantly we're friends. Secondly, boys have more fun and playful.
I've had a lot of crushes. Some lasted for a short time others longer. But there was a guy, no matter what I did, I could never forget. I would say the feelings I had for him was the closest I've been to love.
He was gorgeous. His eyes were a beautiful shade brown. Not too light nor too dark. The perfect colour. To others, his smile was just a simple sign of his happiness, but for me it was different. His smile was the cutest thing I've ever seen. It lights up my day almost instantly! I notice the things that others wouldn't notice about him. And those little things complete him. The way he stutters at the start of his sentences. The way he smiles when he tries to hide all his problems. He thinks no one notices his pain, but I do. I may not know a lot about him, but I knew that I was falling for him. And I was scared.
I was scared that he would be like all those other guys I liked. They all ignored me, swore at me and hated me. I was scared of ruining our beautiful, close friendship. I was scared of his reaction and the way he would treat me if I told him. I tried to keep my feelings bottled up for as long as I could. But he would occassionally find me looking at him and goofily smiling. Then he would have this smirk on his face that makes me turn away and slightly smile. Despite all my fear, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I had to tell him.
*FLASHBACK*
'Hey Camille! What's up?' He said while holding out his hand waiting for me to accept one of our signature handshakes.
'Nothing much really...' I replied while we were in the middle of our handshake. 'Can I ask you something?' I asked rather loudly.
'Sure!' He replied with a huge grin on his face.
'If you could hug any girl in this school, who would it be?'
'I'll answer that question if you answer it!' He said with a playful smirk.
'Same time?'
'Sure' he smiled.
1.. 2.. 3..
'You..' We said in unison while smiling shyly at each other.
*END OF FLASHBACK*
Ever since then we became closer friends but with a bit of awkwardness.
Soon. Half of the school knew we liked each other and our friends didn't stop at anything to bring us together. I refused. I told them that I wasn't sure about my feelings yet. Little did I know that my words would backfire at me.
Suddenly, everyday we grew apart. And during those times my crush has gotten bigger. It seems that the more we're away from each other the more I like him. Then, one day, everything just stopped. Our friendship, our weirdness, our everything. Its all gone. I didn't know what happened but all I knew was that I wanted our old friendship back. I tried everything I could. I tried to make short talk. I tried smiling at him. I tried to bring everything back. But nothing happened. No progress. Nothing.
So, I just gave up. I stopped trying to bring everything back to the way they were. I knew that even if I tried, nothing would happen. Why? Because I was the only one trying. All alone. He wasn't interested in me. He didn't care what happened to me. I kept this to myself. But later, i told some friends. They all told me its going to be fine. I told them that everything was ruined. I couldn't help it. I broke down. I couldn't tell anyone how I felt without crying. At that moment, I wanted to end my life. I wanted to do horrible stuff to myself. I wanted to cut myself. Fortunately, I didn't. But I was still hurt.
I hated myself. Why? Because my love for him never died. I was practically killing myself by loving him. He hurt me but my heart still won't let go. I wanted to forget him. But I couldn't... I loved him too much. I was broken.
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A/N: Hey guys! Hope you liked that. All this happened to me.. Sorry if I take long and the chapters are short and crappy. But I'm not a writer. I just writed down my feelings and my life. All hate accepeted ;)
Have you ever fallen in love? Have you ever been broken? Comment your answers potatoes!
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