Life Is Real

Chapter Five

I arrived at the job interview at noon. A toothpick of a man with a close-shave beard welcomed me into his office. He looked groggy, had dark rings around his eyes, and gave me the sense that he had just snorted coke. He hobbled around until he walked right into his chair, tripping and faceplanting into the floor.

"God, you okay?" I said through laughter. Whoever this guy was, he was hilarious when he was high.

"Yes, I am super," he slurred out before correctly placing himself inside his chair. "And I am also the bar person, Pete." He slammed his hand onto the table and moved it back and forth. He watched his moving hand intently. "Why is it doing that?" He asked of me.

"Are you okay, Pete?" I questioned him, trying not to laugh.

"I am super! Do you need a seeing aid?! I says I'm super!"

"Well, okay, but-"

"And my name isn't Pete," he murmured, taking his eyes off of his moving hand. "My name is Elizabeth." He pointed at me hastily. "Queen Elizabeth."

Now this was just weird.

But hey, I knew how to take advantage of those too drugged to speak.

"So, I want to apply for a job here," I stated. "I have one question for you, your majesty, can I work here?"

"Will you give me your pretty ring?" The now-jittering man asked, touching my tanzanite ring with force. He tried to pull the piece of jewellery off my finger, but I jolted away before he could.

"No!" I nearly shrieked. "I mean, uh... Your majesty, wouldn't you rather choose something else like..." I quickly searched my sweater pocket, finding nothing but a grey pebble. "... Like this! This... Uh... Beautiful pearl from... Princess... Princess Ariel!"

"Who is Princess Ariel?" The guy asked, picking up the pebble and examining it closely. "Is he a dog?"

"No, she's a mermaid," I replied. "Wouldn't you rather keep that?"

"Yes, yes..."

"Can I work here?"

"Yes, yes..."

"Do I have to fill out this?" I asked, referring to the application sheet that sat upon the desk.

"Yes, yes..."

I grabbed a pen that was on the edge of the desk and wrote away. I had to lie a bit, like where I was from and what my birthday was. I finished writing quickly and pushed the sheet to, er, Queen Elizabeth.

"So... Did I get the job?" I asked expectantly.

"Yes, yes..."

"What time should I come around? Would three be okay?"

"Yes, yes..."

"Well," I sighed happily, making my way to the door of the office. "Three it is." I heard him murmur 'yes, yes' as I closed the door.

•••

"Do you think he was actually the owner, Had?" Casha asked as we downed our ramen noodles.

"Eh, who cares," I muttered. "I filled out an application formed, I gave the guy a pebble, c'mon. I should be let in."

"He really claimed to be Queen Elizabeth?" Casha questioned as she threw out her paper bowl.

"Yeah, heh, looked like her too," I chuckled, tossing my own bowl into the trash.

Casha and I had just told the hotel that we would get our money in by 7. I prayed that the pub would give me some pay on the first day. By the time 3 PM rolled around, I was pumped for my new job. Since the pub wasn't too far away from the hotel, I walked. The pub was a little building squashed between two larger buildings. The 'd' in Goodie's Pub had fallen off, causing the sign to say Gooie's Pub. I entered the building and saw 'Queen Elizabeth' immediately. He approached me quickly and nearly pinned me to the wall.