Broken Together

Chapter 13: I Could Be Safe

"Could you tell me what you remember from that day? I know it was a long time ago so take your time"

I bite my finger nails "I was 15 at the time um I passed out on the street. I woke in hospital a doctor told me a woman found me and brought me to the hospital. He said I was nearly dead" I tell her leaving out the details

"How does that make you feel now knowing that you were almost dead?" She asks and I think for a moment

"Sad..." I say quietly

"Sad? Why does that make you sad? She presses further

I sit there silently not wanting to answer "you can tell me Niall. This is a safe place for you to talk"

I take a nervous breath "sad because I wish I had died."

"We're you trying to kill yourself that night?" I shake my head

"No. I passed out due to hypothermia and starvation they said." I tell her what the doctors told me

"If you weren't trying to kill yourself why do you wish you had died?" She asks

"Because I" I pause not knowing how to put my feelings to words never having done so "because I feel so alone" I admit my eyes watering as I hold back tears

"Why do you feel alone? Haven't you made friends here and now your brother is back" I wipe a tear off my cheek

"Because nobody understands. No one not even my brother knows what it feels like to be bounced from place to place because nobody wants you. I may have friends now but eventually they'll leave or IFCA will take me away like they do every time because no one wants me" I spill my guts for the very first time. I didn't even know I felt this way. It all just came out unexpectedly like vomit

"That isn't true Niall. Do you feel that way because of all the foster homes you we're put in or because someone who you thought loved you told you that?" A pain in my chest goes through me like a stab wound

"I-I" I choke on my words as tears fall down my face no matte how hard I try and stop them "I can't tell you" I finally get out

"You can't? Or you're scared to?" She keeps pushing and I want to crack I want to just tell her everything I've kept bottled up inside me for 17 years so badly even what I told Liam is barely the half of it

"Both" I shake my head "I-I"

"It's alright Niall we can be done for today if you want" I nod quickly not being able to do this

"Okay" she comes over to me rubbing my back try to comfort me as tears fall down my face even though I try to make them stop I just can't

"We have to go talk to your social worker now" she says once I've calmed down "why don't you go clean up your face and I'll meet you in the conference room" I nod and walk out going to the bathrooms just down the hall

I splash water on my face breathing heavily and shaking my head as I walk out

I gasp when I open the door to be meet with Liam "oh my god Liam you scared me!" I shout at him

"Sorry are you alright? Kristen told me you were in here" He asks eyeing me up and down

"Yeah I'm fine" I say emotionlessly walking down the hall "I have to get to that dumb meeting with my social worker"

"Right...are you sure you're okay your eyes are kind of red" i click a button on the elevator as the doors close

"I just had an eyelash in my eye" I roll my eyes annoyed with all his stupid questions