The monster inside my head...

Why

I'm confused. "mum, is that you?"

"Oh Bethany, dear I'm sorry" my mother says "I wanted to find you and look after you again but I was scared you had all forgotten about me, moved on"

When my mum went missing it was so hard.

The most painful goodbyes are the ones never said.

Never explained.

"Mum!" I cry and sit up to hug here.

But I can't my neck is in a brace.

That's when I realise I'm back at my own house again.

My mum leans forward and hugs me tightly. I can see the tattoo she got of my name on her chest, it makes me cry.

We were so close.

"I will go and get you medication to help you feel better, ill be back in a minute." she kisses me on the cheek and leaves.

Once she leaves the room I try my hardest to stand up and walk over to my drawer where I left my new razor blade. I scramble back to my bed and begin.

One cut, Two cut, Three cut , four, oh shit, mums coming in the bedroom door.

Before she sees the blade I slip it under my pillow and slide down onto my bed.

My mum hands me a glass of water and my pill kisses me on the cheek and sits back next to me.

I hide my left arm under the blanket so she cant see my bloody wrist.

"So how's Mason" she asks, looking happy to be back.

"Mum how do you know about him, you've been gone since I was three." I reply

 she gives me a funny look "Beth, you do know I know how to use social media right?"

"mm" I say rolling my eyes.

"So" she says

"so.. what?" I say looking confused.

"How is he, how are you guys" she says

"Um, we don't talk" I say quietly

She looks sorry "oh sweetie, I'm sorry I... I.. I didn't know."

"Didn't dad tell you anything" I say angrily

"He's one of the reasons I tried to kill myself mum, kill myself!"

I close my eyes and start to cry.

"oh sweetie what happened" she whispers

"it's a long story, and I'd rather not talk about it right now"

"Get some rest, ill keep an eye on you. Don't forget to take your medication!" 

"Love you" she says

I don't reply. Because honestly...

I'm not sure if I do.

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