wake up, phil - [phan]

{ 15 } - Daydreams

Chris' Pov

I snorted loudly, shaking myself awake. My eyes slowly opened to reveal a bright room with blue chairs scattered by the walls.

Where the bloody hell -

I then noticed PJ slumped next to me, deep in sleep. And then, slowly, the events of the day came back.

So, Phil had had an argument with Dan and stormed out and fallen down the stairs, and now he was in hospital.

Poor guy.

PJ suddenly jolted and sat upright and groaned. He stretched out in a yawn and opened his eyes. He looked confused for a second, then tired. He turned to see me staring at him, and started.

"Been watching me sleeping, perv?" PJ mumbled, grinning.

"Ha ha ha, very funny." My voice dripped with sarcasm.

"These chairs are comfy."

"Yeah... What time is it?"

"Two thirty," PJ said, looking at his watch.

"Well no wonder my stomach feels like a volcano, I'm starving!"

"Yeah, me too. Let's grab some lunch."

We stood up and stretched.

"Where do you think Phil is?" PJ said.

"I don't know, maybe in a ward somewhere. Poor Dan, I know he was a bit of a dick but -"

PJ interrupted me.

"Chris? Where the heck is Dan?"

{TEN MINUTES EARLIER}

Dan's pov

I sat hunched over in my chair, endlessly fidgeting - fixing my hair, chewing my nails, playing on my phone, reading the notices on the walls, wandering around the waiting room - everything. But not a single thing could get rid of the scary feeling I had in the pit of my stomach.

Chris and PJ seemed to be fine. I glanced across at them both. They were both slumped asleep in their chairs, Chris' mouth hanging open slightly. I had a lot to thank them for. If it hadn't been for them, I would have never known that Phil was unconscious on the landing until much later. I felt guilty that I had snapped at PJ in the ambulance.

Well, I thought, I can always apologise later. They understand what I'm going through.

My thoughts trailed on to different things. I thought happily of my holiday with Phil in Japan with Memei and Duncan in April. The shops we visited, the food we ate, the views we saw were all incredible moments.

I imagined them and replayed them in my head.

I did it again.

And again.

But then, I did it again... but pretending that Phil was never there with me.

I realised those memories and incredible places we'd been to meant nothing when I was sat next to Phil at the end of the day, watching an anime, laughing at certain things and making funny comments. They meant nothing compared to when Phil placed his head on my chest and looked up at me, grinning as he poked my chin and my neck, making me squirm, and when I'd tell him to quit it he'd do it even more and we'd end up attacking each other playfully until we were out of breath and on the floor laughing.

They meant nothing compared to when I would play little pranks on Phil, and the adorable squealing noise he made every time I scared him, and how he'd look at me and say "I hate you, Dan" and pout, but he'd never be mad for long and then he'd smile up at me and poke me in the ribs, and I'd poke him back and we'd be chasing each other around the flat, laughing and cursing how unfit we both were.

They meant nothing when I was laying face-down on the floor, suffering from one of my existential crisis', and Phil would come in, comfort me, tell me I meant the world and more to him, tell me I was a perfect person in his eyes, tell me stories about us, me, him, anything, bring me food and hug me, play old videos of ours, read aloud happy tweets from our audience, draw little cartoons for me on pieces of paper, anything. He always did it perfectly.

The moments meant nothing without Phil. The memories, and fun times, and laughs.

Nothing without him being there, next to me, smiling at my every joke, scolding at me when I swore, beaming smugly whenever he could make me laugh.

I stopped myself suddenly.

My cheeks were wet.

I had been crying.

I quickly wiped my eyes on the back of hand.

Great, I thought, that'll make my eyes even redder.

I sighed loudly and sat back in my chair, and stared up at the hospital ceiling.

I am so sorry, Phil.

I am so sorry.

A/N: so i wrote this today when i was really sad because my parents are being assholes and stuff. jope you're all good !!

liv :3