Little Saint Bride [Death and the Maiden, #1]

Chapter Twenty Five: Ghouls are for Fools

'You can't just...' He swallows, clears his throat. 'You can't just go to sleep.'

'I'm tired. Why wouldn't I?'

'You...you bet your life, Ness! For...' Hadrian coughs again, and I squint through the dark to realise his cheeks are pink. Why? Why is he embarrassed?

He takes another few seconds before his voice returns. 'For me. You did it for me?'

Oh.

That's what he's embarrassed about.

He thinks I've made a stupid deal because I'm stupidly in love with him.

I laugh. And I laugh deeper. I clutch my sides. Hadrian scowls.

'What's so funny?' He demands.

I stop laughing and give him a serious look. 'You're cute, I'll give you that. But I'm not making the deal with Chronus because I'm desperate for you. I'm making the deal so that I can find my brother's killer. If he's here in Elysium, I can ask him. But according to legend, Chronus has the records in his palace.'

The records had been a discovery made when reading those old books in the library. A record of all those living in Elysium, and those temporarily or permanently assigned to Judgement, is said to be kept in the heart of the Underworld city. Finding Nate's name in there would assure me that he'd at least made it to the next life, and secondly I would be able to see him. My brother. My twin.

But my words are harsh, and I hate myself for pushing Hadrian away. But until I can trust him, until I know whether he called Chronus to help him or me, I can't let my own body take control.

Hadrian looks physically slapped. So much so he takes a step back, blinking rapidly. 'I'd forgotten about your brother,' he admits.

'At least someone can.'

It haunts me every hour of the day. Nate's blood, dripping through my fingers...

I suppress a shudder, but it doesn't slip Hadrian's notice. He takes a step forward, concerned and reaching out to me, but I shrink away.

'Leave me,' I ask, waving my hands in apology. Please, I want to add, don't tempt me.

'Ness, I don't...' He pauses, shuts his eyes, then nods, once.

'I have to escape from here,' I say, almost to myself. 'No matter what game you're playing to get me to do what you want me to, there's a killer out there. And nobody else knows but me.'

Nate's glassy eyes, staring up at the sky.

Nate's head, severed in sinews from his shoulders-- a slow, painful death of hacking and sobbing.

I turn back into the darkness of the lobby, my heart shutting out Hadrian and this dangerous game we have. At the end of it all, I'm still a murderer. Even if I fail, I deserve to be in Judgement.

I need judging most of all. I killed my own brother, evil or not.

---
'Oh. It's you.'

My supervisor, the woman I'd had a fist fight with-- she's now staring down at me with a bemused smile. It's more like a grimace, actually, but that may be the fat lip she's sporting. At least if I screwed up my chances of ever escaping, I'd done it well.

'I've been told that you want to go straight to the sewers,' she continues, and that grimace is trying forcefully to become a snide smile, but not quite making it. I realise that she's laughing at the idea of me going down there, and I'm starting to feel like I'm missing a key point.