A Game of Colours

Chapter 42: Cowards, Cowards, Everywhere.

"That's just it!" I say, excited again, "you have to come with me!"

"Come with you?" he laughs, "why on Earth would I--"

"I know who your girl is! The one you came back for! I saw her and immediately thought of you and came straight back!"

He smiles sadly. "I highly doubt it. She cannot be seen when she doesn't want to be, and she quite frankly never wants to be seen. Is that all you wanted to tell me?" 

I run my hands through my hair impatiently. "Lewis! That's her, isn't it!? The girl you came back for?"

His eyes grow dark and angry, and he grabs me by the jacket.

"How the hell did you get that name?" he growls.

"I know Lewis personally," I whisper lowly, "and if you don't let go of my jacket in the next three seconds I won't tell you any more."

"Good," he says harshly, releasing me with a slight push, "that's all I need to know."

"What?" I ask, confused, "I thought you would be excited to see her again!"

"Excited? Darling, I see her almost every day! Why do you think I stay in this bloody town? It's all I'm here for--to make sure she stays safe."

"You knew where she was this entire time and you haven't gone to talk to her?" I growl angrily. 

He's no better than Jarrah, I think to myself bitterly. 

"Don't you get it?" he sighs, ruffling his hair in frustration, "I can't! I promised I would never go near her again. And I don't break my promises to Lew, not for nuffin in the world. She has not, and never will, forgive me. I know it."

"Oh my Lord, men are such--such--NINNIES" I shout, unable to think of a better word.

"Amen," says the old woman, and I shoot a glare at her.

"Who do you think she looks for in the street every day? Who do you think that she prays she'll see again, someone who promised he would be with her forever, and isn't? When she catches a man's eyes in the street, and convinces herself for a glimpsing moment--maybe, maybe it really was him, but when she checks again he's already gone! She loves you, you bloody idiot, and here you are letting the time pass and waiting for her to fall in love with someone else when all she wants is YOU?!" I shout.

"You speak from personal experience," he observes, looking into my shaking eyes.

I look away, keeping the tears from flowing. Not now. Not ever again. I'm done with them.

"My love left me, and never came back. Don't you dare make the same mistake, Sawyer." 

He shakes his head. 

"You don't get it-- Adelaide, is it? I hurt her so much--physically and mentally--that she would be better off not seeing me again."

"You wanna know what she said to me--just last week? She thinks you've forgotten her. She says that if she looked into your eyes again, she'd forgive you right away."

Alex smiles sadly. "But that's just it. She hasn't forgiven me yet. And until she does, of her own free will, I haven't got the right to step back into that house."

"I will never, ever pretend to understand men! Bloody cowards!" I screech, stomping away from the street. 

If Alex won't go to Lewis, then Lewis will just have to go to Alex. 

I will not let him make the same mistake that I made with Jarrah.

***

I step back into the safe house, the snow nestled deeply into my boots and scarf, making everything moist and cold.