Teach me how to fly

PART 26: Stoned sex theories

But you know? I always destroyed what I have done. Like I used to destroy the towers of cards I made when I was younger by blowing, I was now destroying my only chance to feel again.

Well, in the end, I probably deserved it…

“I lifeguard at a local lake and every day an old couple walks in. They hold hands, he sets up her chair for her and stands there. He can’t swim, but every day he stays there to watch. When someone asked why, he said; “I told her I would always watch over her”. He said that 60 years ago. Morning baby girl.”

I opened my eyes and smiled at him.

Tristan knew I adored being woken up by a “Gives Me Hope” story every day.

Actually, when we were kids, he would sneak into my bedroom every Saturday morning and tell me one. I always snapped my eyes open immediately. I didn’t care about sleep anymore; I only wanted to hear the story.

“Thanks,” I told him.

“Anything that makes you smile, baby girl.”

I stood up yawning and headed to the bathroom.

Well, no matter how much I hated it, I couldn’t not notice how my body did not react.

No butterflies, no faster heartbeat, no sweet dizziness.

I had another light speed shower and went back to my room.

I made Tristan bury his face in my pillow and then slipped into a black skirt and a tight black top.

“Ready,” I informed grabbing my combat boots and a jacket.

We soon find ourselves sitting at Starbucks drinking coffee and pretending to eat.

“You still suffer from anemia, don’t you?” I asked him.

“No,” he replied.

“No, my ass. You don’t eat, Tristan.”

“Neither do you.”

“I’m healthy, though.”

“You’re on the verge of anorexia, Avery Danielle McKinnon. Plus, with the amount of blood you lose, I’m curious about how you manage to look healthy,” he said staring at the wall behind me.

“W-What blood?” I mumbled fidgeting.

“Do I look stupid? Your scars are obvious as fuck,” he replied angrily.

“Tristan I-“

“Save it. I won’t tell you to stop cause you’re going to ignore me. All I want to ask is why…”

“I was in the darkness so darkness I became,” I quoted.

“We all listen to Florence and the Machine, Ave, but I still don’t get you…”

“I suffer from major depression, Tristan.”

“You were fine when I left. Broken but fine.”

“Yeah but after Ali’s death…” I murmured filling my stomach twist.

He cringed. “I still cannot believe it…”

“Tell me about it…”

“Maybe it’s all my fault…”

“If there’s someone who should be blamed, that’s only me. If you didn’t have to save me from getting raped they wouldn’t have sent you away…”