No Matter What

Bugger Off

I awoke to my usual alarm clock, but this day was anything but ordinary. Today was the day I would be traveling to Hogwarts; the first day of my seventh, and last, year. I wrapped my morning robe around me, and made my way downstairs. Petunia was already sitting at the table.

"Good morning," I told her cheerfully. Even though I cared for her older sister, we didn't get along. Petunia was scared of magic, and wanted nothing to do with it.

"Good morning," Petunia said sharply over her tea.

"What are you going to do without me? You'll have the entire house to yourself while Mum and Dad are at work," I reminded her.

"I am quite aware, Lillian," she replied taking a sip.

"Oh, I wish you'd call my Lily. Lillian isn't even my name," I expressed.

"Come off it, Sister. Just because you get to go to some fancy school for freaks," she hissed at me, "doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want."

"Girls, please settle down," Mum said, walking into the room with a plate of chocolate chip pancakes. She placed a few on my plate, kissing my forehead.

"Doesn't Tune get any?" I asked, calling my sister her least favorite nickname.

"Don't call me that. You know I hate that name. And for your information, I didn't want any," she carried on about the fat content, but I had long ago stopped listening.

My parents bustled about grabbing up mislaid knick-knacks. They did this every year when I left. Their explanation was that they wanted me to remember my home as neat and orderly.

"Time to go, dear!" my father called from the front hall.

"On my way!" I yelled back. Petunia covered her ears delicately.

"Don't shout, Lillian," I gave her a look that said 'please bugger off'.

I put my plate in the sink, and walked out to the car, sitting in the back seat. Through the window, I examined my home etching the picture into my head. I would miss the constant blue skies, the tall lush grass that never browned, and the flowers that had began to bloom for their season. Along dirt path led to a little forest one way, and a large road the other.

The drive to the train station was quick, and before any of us knew it, we had to say goodbye. My father hugged me closely, my mother wept, and Petunia curtsied as I walked through the wall to platform 9 3/4 by myself. None of them could get through because they were non-magical.

They platform was bustling with kids leaving behind their families for a mysterious adventure. I looked fondly at the first years, remembering me in their place, only a few years ago.

I was loading my trunk when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Yes?" I replied, my back still turned.

"Would you mind helping me with my bags?" it inquired. The voice was low, and quiet.

"Of course, I-" I finally turned around to see a sallow-skinned boy, with long, thick hair. "I would be glad to, Severus." I helped him hoist his loaded trunk into the train. But before it was in, the car gave a little shake, and the latches of his trunk came undone. The contents of it came pouring out: now filthy robes, several dried bottled herbs, and multiple heavy leather books.

"I'm so sorry. Let me help you," I apologized, picking up his robes, and folding them neatly.

"I think you dropped these," said a charming voice. I looked up from collecting stray items to see a face I recognized immediately.

"Thank you, James. They're actually not mine, but it was still a nice gesture," I told him. We both dropped to the ground again, and picked up the remainder of the dried herbs.

"Yes, thank you, James," Severus said, a bit agitated. He put his bags away and marched off into the crowd, leaving James and I alone.

"So, what did you get on your O.W.L.s?" I asked him, hoping that he would be in my Potions class.

"Not well enough to continue with N.E.W.T. classes. At least, not if I don't get help," he said, nonchalantly.

"I could help you," I told him quickly. "I hold study sessions in the common room."

"Brilliant! That'd be great. It might seem silly, but after all these years, I actually feel like trying," he admitted, sheepishly.

"It's not silly. If anything, it's unexpected. The amazing James Potter is actually trying!" I joked.

"Well I'd like to try a few new things this year," he spoke, coolly.

"Hmm. Maybe it would be a bad idea," I mused.

"Why?" he asked, a bit dumbfounded. I shot him my 'bugger off' look as well.

"Because you seem to get everything you want. And after trying for six years, I still don't think one of those things will be me," I explained. Spotting Alice, my closest friend, already on the train, I excused myself from his surprised stare. Walking quickly to the compartment she was in, I closed the door, and sank down in the seat across from her.

"I've had a great summer, Lily. Thank you so much for asking," she greeted me with a smile and a hug.

"James," was all I had to say in reply.

"You must tell him this year, before you never see him again," she prompted.

"He has girls drooling after him; more admirers than all of his friends have combined; and he's so brave and strong. What am I supposed to say? 'Hi. I've been in denial for six years, and I admit to being 100% in love with you'?" She nodded enthusiastically.

"Maybe that's exactly what you need; to just come out and tell him?" I gave her the same 'bugger off' look I had given both James and Petunia. "Or, ease your way into it? Help him with school work, cheer at Quidditch games, and pick the same Head students patrol shifts. It could work, Lil'." It was a pretty good plan.

"You know what? I'm going to do it. Just you wait," I declared, seeing her doubting glance. "I'm going to tell him, no matter what."