Broken (L.S)

XXXII.

The next few days I spent at Harry's flat. When I first thought we may have been moving quickly the second attempt at our relationship I stopped to think about everything deeply. It may have only been a week we had separated for, but it truthfully felt like one of the longest weeks I've ever had. It hurt not being able to see Harry whilst my own home life was going into complete and utter turmoil. I had tried to get through to my mum but she either wasn't listening or she just didn't want to stop and was ignoring me. As horrible as it was though, I honestly think it was the latter.

I know exactly where she is coming from of course reasoning wise, but it was still no excuse. People were beginning to notice it because anyone who walked into the house could smell the booze. At least the girls had all decided to spend a couple of weeks with our stepdad so they weren't aware of how bad it had gotten. The oldest two obviously know that the alcohol problem was spiralling completely out of control but the twins aren't stupid. They may only be nine years old but they know that something is a bit off. At least I know that I have someone who semi understands everything.

I was obviously incredibly grateful of everything my mum had done for me, but I still couldn't deny the hurt I felt when she was pushing me away. That feeling of hurt though I knew could be a hell of a lot worse. Harry was the perfect example of this. Yes, the roles were switched but it was more saddening for him. Harry couldn't get himself to open up to his own family apart from his brother after being abused in such truly vile ways. When Marcel died, he pushed everyone away and was then diagnosed as clinically depressed. It obviously hurt his mum and his sister a lot that he wouldn't let either of them in to his thoughts. He regrets it, and he cannot tell them because they are both buried six feet under. I think this was the reason why I wasn't as angry with her as I should be.

"Are you ok?"

I spun around in my spot to see Harry giving me a weary look. He wasn't stupid though, he knew fine well what I was thinking about. I just shook my head in the negative because I'm not ok. Had it really only been five days since I had gotten back together with Harry? I hadn't even told anyone we were back together yet because I know that it will be wrong for me to tell people of Harry's past. It is something he would need to tell people himself. I don't even know much about this whole filming thing. Was it going to be a full on film explaining everything or was it going to be a documentary?

He didn't ask any more questions but he did sit down next to me and gently squeeze my hand in reassurance. I turned to look at his face and gave him a weak smile. I know if I told people that we were back together they would think I forgave him too easily. I honestly think that if I wasn't going through my own home problems currently, I wouldn't have been able to see it from his point of view and I would have told him to leave and not come back. It may have only been a few days but we now had this mental connection between us and I think it can only get better from here. He rubbed my shoulder softly and said barely above a whisper;

"It will get better, love. It may not seem it, but it will. Just don't give up and push everyone away because you will severely regret doing that."

I glanced at him again and I saw that his lips were tightened in a thin line. I know he doesn't like talking about what happened to him but we now have more morbid things in common with one another and it was hard to not compare our lives. I furrowed my brows when I realised something else- Harry's slightly odd behaviour on my birthday. I had caught him giving my youngest sisters a strange look and not too long after he said that he got a bit overwhelmed. I froze in realisation. My youngest sisters are identical twins, and Harry is (was?) an identical twin. It must have been hard for him to look at the two of them and not think of his own deceased brother. I didn't think for very long because I felt Harry's fingers rest underneath my chin and I didn't hesitate to turn my face to let our lips connect. We didn't even try to pull away, allowing the tender touch of the soft skin to explore one another.