Hold me close, Don't let go, Watch me burn!

...burn"

"Don't pity me, for I am happy with what I did. Pity those, who were forced to face their deaths by other hands. Those who died in vein by other people's mistakes. Those are to pity, for I... I chose to die. And why, you tell me, is suicide worse than a death who came from a mistace or a disease... by accident!. Well the answear my friend is that it isn't. Because I chose to die. I made a choice for my own life. Maybe it was wrong, but our faults, the choices we take are what make us... US. Those who just died, those we need to grief for, because they were the ones that deserved to live, because they were the ones that deseved life, respecting it. And if you think I believe that those who commited suicide were weak, you are wrong. Because those were the braviest. Not afraid to leave behind the only sure thing they had in their lives, themselves, but brave enough to seek for a better place, in hopes that they would find peace there. I have lost my 'one sure thing' long ago though...
And now I come to you Derek, you were my glimpse of heaven in this awful place. You helped me escape from all the demons and the fire that hunted me, not minding if they would burn you too, but.... only to face another graver danger, to know how to love. And I didn't know, Derek. I didn't. And I couldn't repay you for what you did to me. And I can't help you escape from the pain you must be feeling know. I can only ask you for forgiveness. I can only say to you that all the pain and grief will be blown away one day by the wind. You will be alright baby. You will be. You will find someone who will be there for you and treat you the way you treated me...
The way you deserve to be treated. And I am sorry for your loss baby... and I am sorry for you having to see my dead body hung. And I am sorry for... I am sorry for giving up because you didn't. You didn't give up on me! And I thank you for that with all my heart. And if you forgive me... just remember that I will always be with you baby... Hold me close, love! Don't let go! Watch me burn...."
I was holding the paper so tight on my hands I was afraid I would destroy it. So... I loosened my grip... holding it now like something precious... because it is precious. Her words... her last words... written so neatly on this piece of paper. The paper that now holds her soul. I looked up... right in her dead eyes staring lifeless at the horizon. "When I die" she said to me once "I wanna stay at a place where I can see everything... where I can feel free" I didn't knew what she meant by "stay" or what she meant at all... until know. Until I found her hanging dead from this tree deep in the forrest on the highest spot she could find.... where no one could find her except me, so she "can see everything".
I didn't close her eyes, nor did I free the loop around her neck. If she wanted it to be this way, she would have it this way. I just let her there... to rest... hoping that she found the place she was looking for.
"I forgive you" I said to her with my voice trembling. "But... you have to forgive me too" I said before taking the chair that laid under her feet and climbing up the tree, tying a rope on the branch right next to her body. I made a loop and placed it around my throat. And before kicking the chair under my feet I whispered to her, in fear that she might not hear it again after.... she might not even hear it now... "I had faith in you. I believed you. And if you believe that this can save us then I stay with you."
I took a deep breath "Hold me close, love" I said taking her cold hand on the same palm I had her last words. "Don't let go" I said now kicking the chair. "Watch me......