It was a warm summer night in 1975, not long after my family relocated to Michigan. I was only twelve when sickness kept me home from a family trip to the Drive in. I was promised a special make up trip---- Just me and my mom's new boyfriend.
At twelve, you you want to believe your mom had your back. But she reassured me that my fears were uncalled for and sent me off alone with a man we barley knew. My fears did not subside as his truck backed out of the driveway.
I vaguely remember the ride, he stopped at the store to get me a drink and snacks. That kind odd because the drive in has snacks. Being twelve and new to Michigan, I had no idea where the drive in was but he drove for a long time. Being that back in Massachusetts we lived across the street from the drive in I knew that the movies began at dusk. It was past dusk because it was dark outside and we were not at the drive in.
I asked about the drive in and he said he had a better plan......I was now scared more scared than when we left home. This man had NO intention of ever bringing me to the drive in! I cried but thought, I needed to be a good girl to protect myself. I had no idea what this man would do I didn't actually know him. I just cried, he drove into the woods and parked his truck. As I continued to cry he did what he wanted to do with me then coached me on what to say to my mom when I got home.
As he drove me home I sat in silent tears. When I arrived home I told mom what I was coached to say and it was late so off to bed I went. Little did I know, this was only the beginning of the years of hell that I would endure from this man.
As the years of abuse from my mother's boyfriend continued, things got strange, I grew to hate the man while at the same time I found myself wanting him to come in the night or show up when he knew I was home alone.
I could not get away from him, it did not matter where we lived he had a key. Then my mother rented a house from him!.......No Escape! He would show up at my school to give me a ride home because he knew I'd be there alone until my younger siblings got home.
The wanting him there, turned into Needing him there it got so bad I'd get angry when he was not giving me that feeling that he created inside me, that feeling I did not know, could not explain, nor did I understand....ALL I did know was that it was wrong!! But the cravings were becoming out of control.
Years had passed, I was pregnant and sixteen still with the same boyfriend, the man that was taking what he wanted was still taking, and I was also having sex with another man that went to the school mom and I were attending.
This is three I'm having sex with just because it became a deep need, an uncontrollable desireI could not control. I developed anger issues, sex issues, and became pregnant at sixteen, I started seeing a therapist the outcome: I had to open up about the abuse, so I told my older brother and my boyfriend and I my mind, what I remember is telling my mother and my boyfriends mother together they were friends and nothing came of it. Which did not help my anger issues at all!!
I continued with the therapy and started to understand that, that was a sick man and he was to blame not me at all.....And my wants, needs, and uncontrollable desire for him or anyone to touch me sexually was completely "normal" it was not something a child should experience ever but it was a normal feeling that stems from those actions.
Those deep cravings tend t o lean towards addiction at that early stage in life. Now Im feeling more anger. What am I to do about that? I was now asking myself. On a Good Note at sixteen he stopped the years of violating me.
He asked if was keeping the baby, I said yes. He responded with: it is going to be a girl, it's mine, and her name will be Penelope. I did not know what to do with
that statement. I kinda got scared but at the same time said to myself I know it is a definite possibility, but I just knew in my heart that my actual boyfriend got me pregnant on April 15, 1979, I will never forget we were in my bedroom bottom bunk it was my sixteenth birthday. We were having sex and as we were finishing up I remember clearly saying "you just knocked me up! Our mother's are going to kill us"
So in my heart I was sure but as I said there was still a chance........
Anyway Mom's boyfriend never touched me again. My baby girl was born exactly nine months and three days from my sixteenth birthday. And her name is NOT Penelope.
