Noticed At Last

Chapter 1

Tori pulled into the hospital parking lot and sat for a moment with her hands resting on the steering wheel. Her eyes felt heavy and her shoulders ached before she had even walked through the doors. She took a slow breath and let it out. Then she grabbed her bag, clipped her ID badge to her scrubs and headed inside.

The ICU was already busy. Monitors beeped steady and fast. Nurses moved quickly between beds. Doctors spoke in quiet urgent groups. Tori changed into her uniform and got straight to work. She checked charts and adjusted drips and spoke soft words to patients who looked scared. She did everything she was supposed to do and she did it well. But she could feel the tiredness settling deep in her bones. It clung to her like something heavy and warm and hard to shake off.

Midway through the shift she went to check on a young girl who had come in earlier that morning. The girl could not have been more than ten years old. She lay very still in the bed and her face looked pale and drawn. Her mother sat right beside her and she looked tense and upset.

Tori stepped up to the bed with a gentle smile. "Hello there. I'm Tori. I'm just going to check your numbers okay? It will only take a minute."

She reached for the blood pressure cuff and the mother spoke up sharp and loud. "About time too! We have been here for hours and barely anyone has looked at her. Do you know how long we have waited?"

Tori kept her voice calm and kind. "I am sorry you have had such a long wait. We are very short staffed right now and we are doing our very best to see everyone as quickly as we can."

Zoey, her co worker, stepped closer and nodded. "It is extremely busy today. We are moving as fast as we can."

The woman would not listen. She leaned forward and her voice rose even louder. "Busy? That is not my problem! My daughter is sick and you people are dragging your feet!"

Tori wrapped the cuff gently around the girl's arm. "I understand you are worried. I am checking her now. That is what I am doing."

"You are doing it too slow!" the woman snapped. "You are useless! All of you! It is ridiculous that we have to wait this long. You do not even care."

Tori kept going. She did not stop. She did not snap back. "I do care. I promise. I am getting her readings right now."

"Care?" The woman practically spat the word. "If you cared we would not have been sitting here all this time. You are useless and if anything happens to my daughter it will be entirely your fault. Do you hear me? All your fault!"

The words hit Tori hard. They landed right in the middle of her chest and sat there heavy and cold. Her hands did not shake but only just. She kept them steady and finished taking the measurements.

Zoey stepped between them then. Her voice was firm but calm. "That is enough. You need to stop speaking to her like that. If you continue I will have to call security and ask you to leave the unit."

The woman huffed and crossed her arms. She glared at both of them. "Fine. I will step outside. But if she gets worse I will hold you responsible." She stormed out of the room and the door clicked shut behind her.

Tori stood there for a moment looking down at the chart in her hands. Her throat felt tight. She blinked fast and pushed the feeling away. She had work to do.

She looked at the numbers she had just written down and her heart sank. The girl's blood pressure was far too high. Her heart rate was elevated too. None of it looked good. Tori went straight to the phone and called the doctor. Within minutes the team was moving fast. They wheeled the bed away toward surgery. Tori watched them go and hoped with everything in her that the little girl would be okay.

Zoey touched her arm gently. "Hey. You did everything right. You know that don't you?"

Tori nodded but she did not feel it. The woman's words still rang in her ears. Useless. It will be your fault.

"Go on," Zoey said soft. "Take a break. I will cover your patients. You have been going non stop since six this morning. Sit down. Drink something. Breathe."

Tori gave a small tired smile. "Thanks Zoey. I won't be long."

She went to the break room and sat down at a small table near the window. It was quiet and empty. She rested her head in her hands for a moment and just let her eyes close. Her phone buzzed against the table. She picked it up without looking and saw Cat's name.

"Hey Tori!" Cat's voice sounded bright and excited the second she answered. "Jade and I found this amazing new pizza place downtown. It smells so good already. Come with us please? We want you there."

Tori rubbed at her forehead. "Cat I'm still at work. I have been here all day. I am so tired."

"Then come after!" Cat said like it was the easiest thing in the world. "Your shift ends soon right? Just come straight from here. It will be so much fun. You can tell me all about your day."

"I don't think I can," Tori said. "I am completely worn out. I just want to go home and sleep."

"Aw please?" Cat asked. "We never get to hang out properly anymore. It will be way more fun than sitting in an empty house. And you need to eat something real. You probably haven't had anything since breakfast."

Tori hesitated. She knew Cat was right about the food. But she also knew how little energy she had left. Every part of her wanted to say no. But she could almost hear Cat's smile fading down the phone. She could not bear the thought of letting her down. So she did what she always did. She said yes.

"Okay," Tori sighed. "I will come."

Cat cheered loud enough that Tori had to pull the phone away from her ear. "Yay! Perfect! We will save you a seat! See you soon Tori!"

"See you," Tori said quiet. She ended the call and set the phone down. She leaned back in the chair and stared up at the ceiling. Why did she always do this? Why did she say yes even when she had absolutely nothing left to give? She would drag herself there and she would smile and she would pretend she felt fine. And then she would go home and crash completely. It was the same pattern over and over. But she could not seem to break it. She did not want to disappoint anyone. Especially not Cat.

She sat there for a few more minutes, drinking cold water and letting her shoulders drop just a little. Then she stood up, took a deep breath and walked back out to the ward. The shift still had hours left to go. And then pizza. And then she would rest. That was what she told herself anyway.