Eyes (Larvis)

Painfully Obvious

5th November, 1996
Sal
Larry is different. Not scarily different, but in a way that when you really look he seems off, in a way. There are some things; His gaze that lingers for a little too long, how his lips curl unusually high when he smiles, his unnatural reactions to emotions, and his unusually straight posture. However, with such a beautiful heart and an everlasting soul, it's easier to overlook those little things that make you uncomfortable. Even when they are painfully obvious.

I suppose, it's not his fault. Nobody chooses how they appear or what features they hold, and what effect they can have on people's mind. It makes you feel worse when you truly notice how often he forces himself to change.

I could say the same about myself. Very few people have seen my face. Nobody but my close friends and my father. It's easier to reveal yourself to people who don't fit in much themselves. My features are often more disrespected than Larry's, as I feel you cant really pinpoint what's 'wrong' with his face. Not like there is anything necessarily wrong with him.

He looks almost like a normal person. When you glance at him regularly, he's just a normal person like everyone else. When you look closer, his presence can really be off putting. I've learned to adapt to him though, I don't feel as afraid of him as I did the first time I saw him. Regardless I'm not saying he's not always frightening.

That is just how he is and how he's always been. The way you look is never your fault, and I would know that the most out of anyone else. I don't personally say I look frightening in the same way Larry does, at least to the outside world. Sometimes, he looks like an alien. If that's even possible. Almost human, but not quite there.

Sometimes, even I don't know what's off. Maybe nothing is. I've never heard it mentioned, but when people stare for too long - their faces change. Change in a way of fear and discomfort. Making eye contact almost affects you physically. Like a sinking feeling in your stomach that makes you feel like you need to leave. Quickly.

I feel awful talking about him as if he's inhuman. After all, he is my best friend. He's never done me wrong. Writing on how I feel about him brings me a sense of understanding, I don't really know how he makes me feel. Sometimes it's everything and sometimes it's nothing. When you're around someone so much, it's more distressing that you never know how their appearance makes you feel.

The stranger thing, his mother doesn't carry the same features, ofcourse she looks like him. The nose, the hair, the shape of their faces and jaws, yet her eyes don't make me feel anything. Nor does her smile or emotions radiating through her face.

Nobody is normal at the end of the day, I suppose.