Be My Guardian Angle (Alan Ashby)

"Can You Fix The Broken?"

"Holy shit. What the hell happened?"

"Jamie! Quick! Help me get Kait up!" Vic started to panic. By now there was nothing else to puke up, I was just dry heaving.

"Is she okay?" Does it fucking look like i'm okay?

"No.. I don't think she ever was." He noticed..?

"She needs to get inside.. it looks like she's about to pass out." Vic mumbled something. "What?"

"I tried! But she doesn't. She just wants to die.." I fell over, dogging the puke and laying on my back. The two continued to talk, trying to get me up to get me to move, talk, anything. But I would just stare right up at the stars. It would be nice to be up there, twinkling and having people admire your beauty. To be able to see what everyone does late at night when no one is watching. How nice it would be to die, to leave this miserable life. Anything to get rid of this pain. I just don't want to feel anymore..

"Kitty..."

"Do you feel that way Kat..?" Alan and Austin's voice startling me. I turned my head to the side, everyone was staring at me with glass eyes. I realize now I must have been talking out loud. Oh well, I don't care anymore.

"Yes." I knew I would regret saying that, I knew I was going to regret saying anything. But at this point I didn't really care. I'm just done. Done with everything, I've held on for far too long and I'm tired of it.

Sighing I sit myself up, immediately everyone rushing to help me. I slapped all their hands away.

"I got it. It's not like I'm paralyzed." I snap. Rude, I know, but oh well. I just want to sleep. Somehow with my jello legs I walked my self all the way back to our bus, avoiding anyone at any cost. The others following close by. I heard Jamie explaining to Mike what happen, the pain in his voice noticeable. Just thinking about how he feels makes me quiver at how much Austin must be feeling. Once in the bus I took a sit on the couch whipping the blood from my mouth, God I hate the taste of blood.

"Here." Mike came and knelt in front of me lifting my face up. Opening the first aid kit beside him he went to work on my face. "You have a broken nose and your face will be pretty bruised but other than that.. you should be- uh good." He tried avoiding the word OK. See, even he knows I won't be OK.

I left the front lounge, Mike and Vic now working on Austin. Apparently he has to go to the hospital due to broken knuckles. Cough, my fault, cough.

Vic, Tony, and Jamie left with Austin to take him to the hospital, Mike and Alan talking in low voices. I blocked their voices out, rolling out if my bunk. Who am I kidding? I can't go to sleep. Not with these voices in my head. I went to the restroom, locking the door behind me. Another one shut and then the bus was silent.

I stared myself down in the mirror, picking out every flaw to make me deserve this pain. Everything added up.

1: I wasn't pretty enough, that's why he cheated.

2: I was fat, that's also why he cheated. Why everyone else did too.

3: I'm a bitch, I'm worthless, I'm arrogant, I'm selfish, I'm stupid. I'm just a bitch. And that's why my ex abused me.

4: I'm nothing, and nothing's are never suppose to be happy.

5: I have scars on my body, no one would ever like that.

6: I'm pathetic. I can't do anything right. I took Matt back when I shouldn't have.

The list just goes on and on and on. Now, I was on the floor, crying when I thought I couldn't cry any more. I crawled to the shower, where my razor was. I took the razor and broke it. I stopped when I hear movement, I flushed the toilet to make it seem like I was using the restroom. It seemed to have worked because the movement stopped and a curtain was pulled back. Biting my lip, I break the rest of the razor, gazing at the new razor I pull my pants down. Knowing just how sharp a new razor can be, I took the razor to my skin hard. The blood oozing out, the bright red running down my leg.