A Bang and a Whimper

22

Loki smiles a little, "You are not going to let me say no, are you?"

"Not really.  I think you are incredibly brave and you just don't know it."

"I think you are a very perceptive young lady."

"So...?"

"I will do this.  For you."

"It will help.  We can change things here by ending this silence.  Asgard does not have to be this way."

"I hope you are right to believe it can change."

"Our family has changed- Sif, Volstagg, Fandral, Hogun- they all know what I am.  And what you are.  And they are of Asgard.  So if they can see us for who we are, others will be able to, too.  There will be those who cannot, but I believe the Aesir are basically good at heart."

"Your faith in others is astounding and beautiful, child."

"Thank you!  We will talk to Father when he returns.  Now, though.  What book did you bring me?"

"One about the people of Alfheim."

"Ooo, is it their history or lore?"

"Yes."

"I am so excited!" 

She drags her chair beside his, rather than across from it, and they begin to read.

********

Thor returns to find Jenna dozing against Loki on the couch.  He is reading the book of Alfheim, his arm around her. 

"Did Jenna speak to you?  She said she wished to share something with you about her introduction to my advisers."

"Yes, she did.  And she asked something of me I am uncertain that I can do."

Thor sits down beside Loki and Loki leans into him a little, letting Jenna tip him over just a little, "And what is that?"

"She has asked me to be brave with her, to allow her to introduce me to your advisers as I am, of Asgard and Jotunheim."

"That would be very brave.  Will you do it?"

"I told her I would."

"I hear a hesitation in your voice."

Loki closes his book, "Old fears, Thor.  And deep ones.  Ones I cultivated while screaming in the Void."

"Are these valid fears, or fears because you do not love yourself?"

He glares for a moment, "Damn it, Thor, will you stop being right?  You know they are strongly influenced by the old stories.  The monster in Aesir skin who infiltrates and infects, then kills until it is killed.  Those horrible tales your father told us."

"But you also fear that the advisers and court will shun you."

"Yes."

"And will shun her."

"Even moreso."

"Are you afraid that you will once again be imprisoned for this?  Or that she will be?"

He stops to search his heart and finds things there he does not want to think about, "Her, no.  She is a child, and the child of the king at that.  But I...I am not.  Odin no longer claims me.  I will not be held blameless for anything, and should Odin wish to reveal my treason, it will make it all the more difficult for you to shelter me.  Someone will kill me, Thor.  And I do not know who, or when, or where it will come from, but it will happen."

Thor is surprised at how calm Loki is speaking of this possibility.  It seems more like a certainty when he hears his brother speak.  But it is also sad that he thinks this way and Thor feels his own heart sink a little. 

"I do not plan on letting it become known that you sat upon this throne unless you wish it.  And yes, your safety is one of the reasons not to.  I will protect you as best I can, Brother.  You know that as I claim you, few would dare to think of touching you."

"But there are those who will, and some of them hold high rank.  It will be unavoidable."

"You are absolutely convinced of this?"

"Yes.  Utterly and absolutely.  If I stand with her, I will die."

"Did you tell her this?"

"Of course not, Thor.  I would not worry her in such a way.  She believes that since your friends have welcomed us both, that others will do the same.  I do not share her conviction."

Thor slips from the couch and kneels before Loki, taking the one hand his brother has free in both of his own, "I swear to you that I will make possible whatever you wish to do, and if that means I assign Fandral the task of culling the guard or I release my advisers, I will.  There is nothing I will not do for this family.  If you wish to stand beside my daughter as a man of both realms, then you will."

"You are so very kind, Brother.  So very kind.  And your heart is constantly in the right place.  But I do not know that it will save me this time.  But yes, I will stand with her.  She has asked, and I will be brave with her.  From there, all I have is hope."

"Sif will certainly not allow any harm to come to you.  Fandral will not have the chance to cull the guard, she will do it for him, unasked."  There is a glint of mischief in Thor's eye, a teasing that Loki has seen so many times before.

Loki blushes, "You have noticed?"

"How could I have not?  You two are delightful together.  Your flirtations are lighthearted and playful, and it is good to see you so happy.  I have also noticed you in the training yards with her.  Your recovery is completed and you are well?"

"Enough to take things slowly, yes."

I have watched you spar and have a question."

"You may ask all you wish, but that does not mean that I will answer you."

"Of course."

"Then speak."

"You often stop her with a hand raised.  Is there a reason for this?"

"Yes."

"Will you tell me what it is?"

"Not yet.  At the moment, that is something I will share with her only.  Perhaps later."

Thor, smiling, returns to the couch and pats Loki's hand, "Then I will wait.  Sif is protective.  Volstagg is as well.  And Fandral, too.  Hogun is quiet, but I assure you he, too, considers you one of us.  The past is behind us."

"No, it is not.  The past is always with me.  But I think it is less haunting."

"That is good."

"Yes.  Yes it is.  And I am ever grateful to all of you for the opportunity."

"I know, little Brother."  Thor tussles his hair and Loki lightly shoves him back. 

Jenna stirs and they laugh quietly, trying not to wake her, "Mother would be so glad to see us like this."  He pushes a lock of the girl's hair back from her face.  Thor looks on with adoration.  Kindness was once so absent from Loki.  Thor once thought he would never see this peace again, or that he would ever find his brother beneath the rage.  He marvels that it was close to two years ago that he learned his brother was alive.  He had not known what he would find when he set out from Asgard.  Loki had been in so much pain after Frigga's death, so raw, and every time Thor thinks of him dying in Svartalfheim, it hurts.  Even now, knowing Loki survived, it hurts.  He loves that he still mentions their mother fondly, that Odin's distance has not broken that bond.

"Yes, yes she would."

"I miss her.  Jenna reminds me so much of Mother.  You have a beautiful little girl, Thor."

"That I do.  And she is smart, quick witted, and wise.  Also like Mother."

"And brave.  Also like her.  Oh, so very much like her."

"Yes, she is.  And you are like her, too."  Loki cuddles against Thor, Jenna against him.  And they are truly happy.  Loki dozes off in Thor's arms.  There will be a time to be brave in front of everyone.  But now, it is time to rest and feel safe.