My Phantomime Yearnings

The Beginning

"I live alone..."
"Oh...I forgot...I. Am..alone..."

A girl of 20...reading in her room with lingering cramps making her shiver time to time...she jolts up, then looks around with the haze which is still there after a night of sleep which was full of untold comfort she lacks...her eyes opens fully as the first dawn enters through the curtain-less sliding windows...

"Oh! I am awake!" ;looking down the view from the dimmed room she sits up...a bit lazy but the new waves of cramps didn't let her sleep in her drowning haze...The pain made her fully awake and clear minded...

Climbing down the bed she thinks 'what should I do now? Should I...' ;Her indecisiveness cleared out when the voices of the others started to get louder...as usual...It's always loud after her night...

"Oh...they are awake!" ;correcting her postures she puts up a smile in lips she goes to open her lonely apartment to meet others...

"Everyone awake?" her voices sounds enthusiastic..

"Yeah, long ago..we have work to do after all" -says someone she knows..

"Alright mom, how are the dishes?" -smiling she reaches

"All done, eat whenever you want"

"sure!" -she is still enthusiastic as she goes to meet others..Maybe the lightness of her smile won't last long but she has to be optimistic, right?

Another wave of cramp hits but she didn't falter and reaches for the side of the main apartment to greet others..

"Oh...she is gone already...but...oh..." another wave of cramp and she feels the enthusiasm slipping past her put up smile...the pain feels like twisting tightness she often felt at her heart...only the direction is misplaced...

"I will be ok!" ;looking at the mirror and her innocently optimistic face her inner voice looks away.. but she didn't...she keeps up her lightness in spirit and begins to plan for her day ahead...she always make plans and charts for how to spend the day with others though she never been met the expectations even once...

"Let's go and visit my flowers!" -she calls for the one of others...the voice echos gently and after a pause...not long but enough to feel the heaviness the younger voice replies "Now? It's raining"

"Heyyy...It's raining gently! You might want to check that out! Morning light rains always refreshes us.."

"Ok sure..go and i am coming" -says the younger voice without not so eager to go..neither reluctant fully...

"Sure! Hurry!" -she replies enthusiastically but the pain hits again on her lower abdomen...that got her thinking while climbing the rooftop 'is it that time again? but i don't want..."

Her thoughts got interrupted again by the climbing footsteps...she turns and waves the footsteps to hurry up...and hurries towards her morning garden...

She stands up and climbs the bed in decision to lay down in hope to reduce the lingering waves...The diary was left on table with the recent entry and slightly bloated up by the pen between pages...she needs to be silent to endure the waves now...Entries of diary can wait..