I Thought Kisses Meant Forever

The Girl Who Believed in Forever

"If you had met me at fourteen, you probably would've thought I had it all figured out.

I laughed loudly. I teased my friends. I always had another story to tell. I looked confident enough.

But confidence is a funny thing.

Sometimes it isn't real.

Sometimes it's just a smile practiced so many times that even you start believing it."

I grew up believing that love was simple.

You met someone.

You liked each other.

You kissed.

You stayed together forever.

That was how the movies worked.

That was how the books ended.

No one ever told me that real life had other plans.

Looking back now, I smile at that little girl.

She had no idea that school hallways could hold more heartbreak than some marriages.

She didn't know that one basketball court would witness stolen kisses, whispered rumors, impossible choices, and the beginning of every lesson she'd spend years trying to understand.

She definitely didn't know she'd become the kind of girl whose friends needed code names just to keep up with her stories.

Life was still ordinary then.

I lived in Yaoundé, where mornings always seemed to begin with rushed breakfasts, forgotten homework, and the race to get to school before the gates closed.

School wasn't just where we learned mathematics or biology.

It was our entire universe.

The basketball court was our meeting place.

The canteen was where gossip spread faster than Wi-Fi.

The staircases carried secrets.

The classrooms held dreams far bigger than our uniforms could contain.

And somewhere between those hallways...

I was trying to figure out who I was.

I wasn't the loudest girl.

Not yet.

I wasn't the prettiest.

At least, that's what I told myself.

Every beautiful girl who walked past became another reason to wonder if I wasn't enough.

Lighter skin.

Longer hair.

Different clothes.

A louder laugh.

Someone else always seemed prettier.

Better.

More lovable.

I spent so much time comparing myself that I almost forgot there was only one person I was supposed to become.

Me.

Thankfully...

I wasn't alone.

There was Emilie.

If loyalty had a face, it would probably look like her.

There was Kelsy.

Quiet enough to miss if you weren't paying attention, but somehow she always noticed everything before everyone else.

Together, we survived classes, gossip, exams, inside jokes, impossible crushes, and the beautiful chaos that only teenagers seem capable of creating.

Back then, my biggest worry wasn't university.

It wasn't careers.

It wasn't adulthood.

It was whether the boy I liked would look at me the way I looked at him.

It's funny how enormous those problems felt.

Then again...

Maybe they were enormous.

Because when you're fourteen, first love doesn't feel small.

It feels like the entire world.

I didn't know it then...

But before I would learn what love really was...

I would have to survive first love.