All Time Low Imagines

Home Early: zm

-you try to commit suicide while Zack is on tour but he finds you-
........

Tears streamed down your face as you sat on the edge of the bed in front of the mirror. You couldn't do this anymore. Your mind was always telling you horrible things.

'You weren't good enough. Your fat, ugly, worthless. How could Zack even love you? Why would he? He doesn't.

'He just feels sorry for you. Just give up'

You had finally had enough. You looked up knowing all of those things were true. Why wouldn't they be? You could see all of your scars, most were on your fat stomach, hips and upper legs so no one would see.

Zack knew about your struggles, he was the reason you stopped for almost a year but it was to much. You needed to feel the pain. He never found out that you had relapsed, he was gone most of the year. For all he knew you just had down days.

He was still on tour, he acted like he cared but why would he? He didn't.

'He wouldn't miss you, no one would'

You had had enough, standing up you walked to your bathroom with tears still falling. you didn't lock the door, no one was home but you.

You rummaged through the medicine cabinet pulling out bottles of pills along with your razors.

You brought everything you found and set it next the the bathtub. You let the tub fill up then slowly let yourself fall into the water. It burned, but it felt nice.

'Get it over with, no one is going to stop you. No one would care enough to stop you'

You sighed grabbing your razor. You stared at your arm, all of the scars on it was mostly healed. But you could change that, and that's what you did. You swiped the razor across your skin multiple times until the blood had covered most of your arm. You let it slip under the water hissing at the sudden pain while grabbing a bottle filled with advanced sleeping pills with your free hand.

You brought your other hand out of the water and poured the contents into your hand. You threw your head back and dropped the pills down your throat.

You let yourself slip under the water. You slowly let out all the breath filling your lungs. It got hard to see, hard to think, hard to do anything. Sinking to the bottom you let yourself relax.
It would all be over soon.

Suddenly you felt two strong arms grab you and pull you out from the water.
"y/n what are you doing!" It was Zack. How was he home?

"Z-za-ck" you coughed. Your eyes stung from the water, it was so hard to keep them opened.

"No no no I can't lose you y/n please stay with me" you could hear him crying. You wished you had done this ten minutes earlier, then you wouldn't have to see the pain you put him through.

You could hear him yelling at someone to call an ambulance, then it was all 'razors, empty pill bottle, she took them all' but it got harder to pay attention. Everyone's voice sounded like an echo from a distance.

"IM NOT LOSING YOU!" You could hear Zack yell. Before you knew what was going on he grabbed you from behind, moved in front of the toilet and stuck his fingers down your throat until you were just choaking on his fingers (that sounded sexual I'm sorry). But it wasn't enough.

The last thing you saw was Zack with tears running down his face. The last thing you heard was his screams, and the sound of an ambulance in the distance.
......
You could hear the faint beeping of some kind of machine. Everything smelled, clean. You tried opening your eyes but it was like they were glued shut. You couldn't move, couldn't feel. You felt like You were just a body, nothing more.

You could hear a door opening and the shuffle of feet moving across the floor. The bed dipped down and you could feel someone grab your hand.

"Hi y/n" it was Zack. "Baby, you need to wake up. Please don't give up, I need you, I really fucking need you" he cried.

You wanted to open your eyes so bad and tell him You were ok. More than anything, You wanted to be ok.

'How could I think that Zack didn't care? How could I hurt him like this?'

You felt horrible.

"I don't know if you can even hear me, but, I love you, so much, so fucking much. Just please, wake up" he sobbed still holding your hand.

He brought his hands, along with yours to his face. You could feel his breath on your hand as he continued to cry. You couldn't take this, hearing him cry like this. You hated yourself for hurting him.

You did all you could to try and squeeze his hand. Finally You did it, You could somehow feel yourself coming back. Zack jumped back a little surprised but You could tell he was happy.

"y/n, you can do it, please open your eyes" Zack said with your hand on his lips.

Somehow You managed to do it. You were blinded with bright lights making you want to shut your eyes again, but You didn't didn't, you needed to see Zack.

"Y/N, you did it! Your awake, your ok!" He cried crawling closer to you. He helped you sit up and hugged the hell out of you but also being careful not to mess with the wires.

"Please don't ever do anything like that again, I can't lose you, ok? I need you. I don't know what happened but I'll help you through it" he cried on your shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I thought you didn't care-"
"I will always care, always. Don't ever think I don't care" he said grabbing your face wiping your tears away with his thumb.

"I'm sorry, I'll never do it again. I don't want to hurt you, I'll stay alive, I'll get better, for you" You said.

"y/n, I love you so much"

"I love you" You said wrapping your arms around his neck.