My Boy Bible: A Guide To Guys

This is my first watt pad book, let me no what you think by:

If you think I'm good click: VOTE

If you think it needs work click: COMMENT

If you hated it let me know!: COMMENT

Chapter 1: The A-Z of guys

A=affection! He'll be cute-as when it's just the two of you but he may be shy of showing his smoochy side when his mates are around in case they tease him! Aw, Diddums!

B=Bedroom

The rubbish tip where he does boy stuff like snoozing, farting, playing computer games, farting, watching football and farting. WARNING: a boys room is a NO-GO ZONE for the faint hearted or anyone with a sense of smell! Did I mention the farting?

C=Chameleon

He's polite to parents, sweet with you, childish with mates, annoying to his siblings and a suck-up to his teacher, but is this the real him? He's not telling!

D="Designer" fashion

The one pair of trousers his mum didn't buy for him, worn low-slung and baggy. Try to resist the urge to hoist then up to hide his cringey pants-he thinks its stylish.

E=Electrical's

Don't nag if he spends time checking out the latest gadgets and gizmos at the mall. You'll be glad you have a nerd on call when your phone is acting up!

F=Food

Even if you pride yourself on liking food, a lads appetite will still astound you. Not for fresh fruit or veg, mind you-he'll tend to go for stinky, fried unhealthy stuff!

G=Gel

He's got that type of unkempt, fluffy barnet you'd love to ruffle-but he ruins it by slapping on loads of gunky goo! Less is more, lads-step away from the hair product!

H=Hat

Trilby, flat cap, bowler, baseball cap-he'll graft one to his head to try to look cool like Niall from 1D or J-Biebs. He'll fail.

I=Internet

Used for 'educational' purposes only. Sky Sports for PE, YouTube for music and drama, Facebook for PSE-you get the idea!

J=Jokes

Used to fill awkward silences in conversations and to impress girls. The class clown is guaranteed to make double maths fly by, quickly-shame his humour is often lame, rude or sick!

K=Knowledge

Encyclopaedia when it comes to film and sports trivia, which leaves no room for remembering other things-like your birthday and when it's his turn to wash up. Hmm...

L=Love

The Forbidden Word. Never EVER, use this in made company unless you want to bring on an acute case of the sweats, paints or even a minor heart attack

M=mum

The living saint who provides food, shelter and unconditional love and gets lippy comments and mickey taking in return. Dis her at your peril though!

N=night owl

Staying up into the wee small hours of the night to watch rubbish films or play x-box is not big and it's DEFO not clever! Unless you define intelligence as shambling around like a particularly grumpy zombie!

O=obsessions

When boys develop an interest, they don't do things by halves. So don't assume he'll grow out of train-spotting or collecting superhero 'action figures' anytime soon...or ever!

P=Personal Hygiene

Not all guys get that this is important-some count getting caught in the rain as a wash and won't shower when half a can of lynx can mast their armpit stench! Manly musk? More like boyish B.O.!

Q=Questions

Good for getting him to talk about himself-in fact, he may not stop! Just don't ask him anything too deep or meaningful.

R=Relationships

Some guys love to be in a relationship, some love being in several. Others would rather hang out with the lads-it's a personal preference thing.

S=sport

If you don't already watch it, why not give it a go? Just don't try to wing it in a conversation about sports if you're clueless. Mix up Man U and Man City and you'll never live it down!

T=Toilet Humour

'Cause poo and bums are hilarious. And farts of course!

U=Underwear

Grimy, holey and all too often worn for too many days in a row! Yuk!

V=Voice

When a lad hits puberty his voice may go croaky, warbly and squeaky, but give him a break as its breaking, look at J-Biebs go from boy to babe! No teasing!

W=worries

He may act laid back-but he frets about lots if stuff-like height, looks, peer pressure, girls, mates, dosh and popularity!

X=Xbox

Few things-perhaps starvation-level hunger pangs, eye or thumb strain, or Chezza turning up to beg him for a date-will prise him away from his beloved games.

Y=You

Him needing me-time and mates-time every so often is NOT a sign that he's not into you. Take an independent approach yourself, and you'll almost certainly get on better when you hook up!

Z=Zits

Boys have thicker skin and more of the male hormone testosterone than we do, making them even more prone to pimples!