bare [h.s.]

Last

Harry has been acting peculiar all day.
We decided to just enjoy each other's
presence today, which is better than
going out to the movies or any activity,
but I'm growing bored of sitting in my living room. The clock reads under four hours until midnight. Soon our day will be over.

My legs are stretched out across
his lap as his hands swirl circles on
the fabric of my jeans. His gaze is far off somewhere, and I know he's thinking about the end.

"Do you want to go for some ice cream?" I suggest, and his fingers pause in their tracks.

Harry raises a brow. "It's cold outside,
and you want to get some cold food?"

I playfully nod, prying my legs off his
pants. Throwing his coat at him,
I pull on my father's slippers and wait
by the front door.

"This is your best idea yet, Adams,"
he says with fake enthusiasm,
shrugging his coat on.

The car ride is short but agonizing,
and I try to start a light conversation
with no input from Harry.
Our last day was supposed to be
special, but his attitude is destroying it,
though I understand why.

Harry goes to order at the counter,
and I find us a table with ease since
the parlor is empty of customers.
I sit at the table closest to the corner
as he sets two cups on it's surface.

"Are you okay?" I carefully ask,
eyeing him as he takes the first
bite of ice cream.

"Are you?" He retorts, and I poke
at my food with a spoon.

"I think we'll be okay," I nod,
touching Harry's foot with my own underneath the table. He pulls away.

I know he wants me to stay.
I know he wants me to express my
feelings for him before it's too late.
I've never been good at expressing my feelings to people who I care the most about, but for Harry, it comes naturally to him.

I watch him from across the table,
remembering a story about my parents.
Years ago, my father would
intertwine his hands in my mother's,
and to explain his love for her,
he wouldn't say those simple three words.
He quoted a poem he once read in his youth, and that said everything for her.

It was a classic poem,
how the sun loved the moon so much, that he would die every night just to let her breathe.

And in a way,
Harry was doing the same for me.
I know how much it hurt him
to spend these last two weeks with me,
aware of how this ends.
But he did it anyway, to make me happy.

It's too quiet in the room,
both of us focusing intently on our
desserts; us both ignoring the fact that today is the last day of us.

"When did you first know you liked me?" I ask, sticking a spoonful of ice cream between my lips. The sudden coldness numbs my tongue and my face distorts, causing Harry to smile beautifully.
A genuine smile hasn't crossed
his face for the past few days,
and it's refreshing to see again.

He studies his vanilla ice cream for a passing moment, setting his spoon down. "Geometry," he simply states.

A sharp laugh sounds from my throat, and I stare at him oddly. "No way."

"As I recall, a girl with mismatched socks forgot to do her homework.
So, she asked an acne-covered boy
with a dreadful nickname for answers,"
he stares off, brows furrowed in thought.
"And from there on, he thought
she was beautiful. And one day,
he was lucky enough to get the chance
to love that beautiful girl."

I blush at the chocolate dessert that is
in the process of melting in my cup.
"Curly Sue," I smile, picturing a younger version of Harry with tight curls,
a whole new person compared to the
long-haired man before me.

"I've loved you for two years, Sawyer," he sadly smiles, tossing his ice cream into a nearby trashcan. "And I don't regret that."

I can't find the right words to say.
Or rather, there's too many I want to,
but I won't allow myself.
If I say everything I've wanted to,
I can never bring myself to leave.
Or it'd just hurt him even more when I do.

Harry stands from our corner table
and adjusts his coat, tugging at the sleeves. "What should we do next?"

I dispose of the remaining treat
and follow him out the door that he
holds open for me. I awkwardly thank
him before taking in a breath of the bitter winter air.
It's strange how we are acting
toward one another.
It feels like we are complete strangers, that everything we've done together meant nothing.

"Harry," I call to him as he leads me
to the car. He fumbles with his keys
and glances up at me, loose strands of hair blowing in the wind.

"Get in the car," he ignores me, but
I keep my feet planted on the concrete.
"It's freezing out here."

"Listen to me!" I yell over the roar of
his engine, and he waves one hand for me to hurry along.

"What could it possibly be, Saw?"

I fold my arms across my chest,
warming myself from the cold.
I watch my breath puff out into the
air and disappear with my pride.

"I hate that we are acting this way.
I'm still me, and you're still you.
Why are we treating each other like this?"

He pulls his body out from the car,
placing one hand on the roof for support. All he does is shake his head.
"I think you know why."

"But it doesn't have to be this way!"
I step quickly across the parking lot
to reach him, the car being the only barrier between us.
I don't take my eyes off him.
"Please, just enjoy our last moments
together and stop worrying about
every moment after that.
When I'm gone, it'll still be you.
I believe it's always been you, Harry."

He wears a bewildered look.

"No Elijah or anyone could change my mind about that. I know I was stupid to not see it before, and that got me into a hell of a mess. But you were the one that pulled me through. You, Harry.
It's always been you.
And I will love you even when
I can't be with you. Okay?"

"Okay," he nods, and I walk around the
car to get to him. We are inches apart,
and I feel closer to him than I have in a while. He grins down at me, his fingers delicately tracing along my jawline.
"Did we just have a John Green moment?"

I shake my head, scoffing. "Shut up."
Our laughter is silence by a deep kiss
that brings more goosebumps to
my skin than the biting wind.

And on our last day together,
we spend it making out against
his car in the deserted parking lot
of an ice cream parlor in the
middle of winter.

I will always remember that last day.