bare [h.s.]

Father & Daughter

[i don't know if that video is going to play on the app, but the song for this chapter is father and daughter by Paul Simon bc yes that's why. ok ily]

❁ ❁ ❁

He encourages your first words,
fingers-crossed that it's his name.
He teaches you how to ride your
new bicycle, reluctant to let go
as you push your legs faster.
He is your lead at the daddy-daughter
dance that he's looked forward to for weeks.
He is your protector against the monsters under your bed.
My father could not protect me against the monsters hidden in the people around me.

What my father did not want
was to cry with his daughter on the
couch for hours after hearing the truth.
He did not want to hold her hand
as he walked her into her new therapist.
He did not want to become fragile
everytime he heard her cry herself to sleep.

"Hey," my father whispers from my bedside, "it's okay, sweetie."

"I'm sorry, daddy," I cry into my pillow,
my voice muffled by the fabric.
"I'm sorry for keeping you awake,
I'm sorry for doing this to you,
I'm sorry for changing everything."
His hands stroke my hair as I cry,
and I know I should stop because
soon he will join me.
This is our new nightly routine.

"Don't apologize for things you shouldn't be sorry for," he says into the dark. "We are never prepared for things life throws at us, because the night changes fast. But we get through them. We always do."

"Do you hate me?" I whimper, rolling over to face him. He motions for me to come closer to him, and he embraces me in his arms. I rest my cheek upon his chest as he cradles me like a small child.

"No matter what happened, or what
will happen, you will always be my little girl."