Broken But Strong (Bucky Barnes fanfic)

5. Park

They were walking in the Central Park. The sun was shining brightly and Alice was wearing black 'Vans', dark blue, skinny jeans, white t-shirt and red plaid shirt. There was her favourite watch on her left wrist and she had black aviator sunglasses. Her light brown hair was gethered up in a meesy bun.
Bucky on the other side was wearing black baseball cap, black t-shirt, black hoodie, black jeans in which pockets he had deeply stuffed his hands, and black 'Converse' low-tops.
They looked like complete opposites. It was the first time she brought him to the Central Park and Alice was telling him about some changes in the park, but man was quiet and didn't say a word. People gave both of them looks, which Alice completely ignored, whilst Bucky felt really uncomfortable as always being in public.
"Do you want ice cream?" Alice looked up at him, when she saw an ice cream booth.
"Yeah," he answered in a hoarse voice.
"Which one is your favourite?" she put her hand on his back and gently guided him there.
Every time when Alice was closer to him or even touched him, Bucky wanted to wrap his arms around her and hug her. In fact he always wanted to do that to show her how thankful he was for her company and being so kind to him, but just wasn't sure if she wanted and how to approach the girl. In his eyes she was the second nicest person after Steve he had met since he's not HYDRA's slave anymore.
"Bucky?" Alice's voice brought him back to reality.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Bucky shook his head and turned his head to look at her.
"Which is your favourite ice cream?" she smiled brightly at him.
"I don't know," he shrugged.
He had remebered things, but not such a details.
"Well, then lets find out. My favourite is peppermint with chocolate chips. And on some occasions I like vanilla or chocolate ice cream. So with which one you want to start?" girl raised one eyebrow.
They had reached the booth and Bucky stuffed his hands even deeper in his jeans pockets.
"The peppermint one, please," he whispered.
Alice bought two peppermint ice creams and handed Bucky one, which he took with his right hand. He hesitanly tasted it and frowned. It was weird for him in the beginning and was more tended that he doesn't like this ice cream.
"Maybe lets go to sit in a shadow?" Alice asked.
"Yeah," brunet nodded and they went to sit on a bench in the shadow of trees.
They weren't talking but enjoying their ice creams in silence and watching people in the park. As it was Saturday, there were families with children and dogs. Alice loved the sweet taste of chocolate and the freshness of peppermint together. It was the taste of her childhood with the best memories.
"So, your thoughts?" girl turned to Bucky who also had just finished eating his ice cream.
"Of what?" he frowned.
"Of ice cream," she softly chuckled.
"It was good," he smiled at her.
Alice loved seeing Bucky smiling even if it was for a second and almost imperceptible. With every day he was smiling more, but paranoia wasn't fading.
"So, what do you want to do next?" she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
"Can we go back?" his grey-blue eyes from under the cap sparkled.
"Of course," Alice smiled and stood up, Bucky following her.
They slowly went back to Steve's apartment in a comfortable silence. Occasionally he would look at her and when she'd notice that, girl would smile at him.
"What they're doing?" Bucky asked and motioned to a bench where three girls were taking selfies.
"That's how people take selfies. You know when-"
"People take photos of themselves in a mirror, with an outstretched arm or with that stick thing," he shook his head smiling.
"That's right," Alice nodded.
Bucky was a quick learner and memorized a lot of things, so combined with his curiosity he was catching up with things pretty fast. Actually faster than she expected.
Then a bunch of kids ran past them, screaming and laughing loudly. Bucky flinched and he started to hyperventilate and panic-stricken looked around for threat and escape options.
"It's fine, Buck. They're just playing. Take a deep breath. I'm here and SHIELD is here. Nothing is going to happen with you," Alice had sat him on the closest bench and had squatted down in front of him, with his hands in her.
"I'll get you out of here soon, okay? I'm just gonna call for a ride," girl stood up and sat on the bench next to him, holding his bionic hand and sent a text message.
Bucky's breathing wasn't so fitful anymore and he slightly leaned against her. After few seconds she got a reply.
"Car is waiting for us. Lets go," she stood up, pulling him along.
Man followed her with his head hung low and humped shoulders. They were walking fast and every now and then Bucky would nervously look around. He couldn't feel the warmth of Alice's hand and her gentle grip with his metal hand no matter how much he wished he could. But still he felt safe and her soft smile when girl looked at him was soothing. They had reached their car and Agent opened the door for them. Alice let Bucky's hand and he got in the car. He tried to put on the seatbelt, but it kept blocking all the time because he was pulling it too fast.
"Allow me," girl put her hand on his and man sighed.
Without a struggle she put the seat belt on, closed the door and went to the other side of car and got in. She gave Bucky a water bottle which he gladly took and drank the algid liquid.
The drive went in a total silence. Bucky looked through the tinted window with an unfocused gaze. Alice felt bad for suggesting to go to the Central Park on Saturday. All the way back to the apartment she kept scolding her for such an awful idea. She was ready to take full responsibility for what happened if Fury will call her. Also she knew that Steve won't be very happy for this and probably will devote her a few bitter words. Her intentions were completely pure and Alice just wanted to take Bucky's socializing to the next step, but amazingly failed.
She looked at Bucky who seemed to be in another dimension, but he was watching her all the time in the window's reflection. He saw the guilt and self condemnation in her eyes. He wanted to say something and try to cheer her up, but didn't know how. Words just got stuck in his throat.
Agent pulled over to the curb and Alice quickly got out of the car along with other Agent who opened the door for Bucky. Ex-soldier got out of the car mumbling 'thanks' and followed the girl in the apartment building.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't-" Alice stopped on the stairs and looked at Bucky with whom she was in the same eye level now.
"It's fine. I didn't know I'll freak out," he interrupted, making an eye contact with her for longer than usually.
"It's on me," she turned around and kept going up.
Man followed her and, when they had reached the apartment, Bucky went straight to his room. Alice sighed and went to the kitchen to make hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. He loved this drink and summer heat wouldn't stop him from drinking it. With a steaming mug, girl went to man's room and knocked on the door. She heard a quiet groan and went in.
Bucky was sitting on the floor by his closet with knees pulled close to his chest and face buried between them. Alice went to him and put the mug on the nightstand and sat criss-cross in front of him.
"Did you remember something?" she softly asked.
Man nodded.
"I'm really sorry for what happened. I should have taken you there on a weekday," girl took both of his hands that way making ex-soldier lift up his head and look at her.
"I'm okay," Bucky whispered looking down at their hands.
"May I?" Alice raised one eyebrow looking at his bionic arm and then back at him.
"Yeah," he nodded.
He had taken off his hoodie that way exposing his arm. It was the first time in these two months she was working with him, when she asked about that.Girl reached out her hand and gently touched the cold and smooth metal just below the sleeve. She slowly slid down her fingertips his arm, eyes widening in an awe. Bucky's eyes flicked from her hand to her face all the time.
"So you can't feel anything, right?" Alice looked up at him, stopping her motions.
"No," he looked down at his right hand which was still holding her left.
Alice lightly bit her bottom lip as an idea came up in her mind. She let his hand and placed her left hand's fingers on the same spot on his blood and flesh arm, where they were on his left arm and gently slid her fingertips down both his arms in a sync. His breath got stuck in his throat, feeling the gentle touch. He turned both his arms a bit that Alice's fingertips were caressing the insides of his forearms. The felling for him was unusual, but in the same time far and familiar.
He saw a flashback of a woman with brown hair, who he had seen in photos Steve showed him and told it was his mother. Woman gently caressed his cheek and then rufled his hair smiling brightly.
"Bucky, did I hurt you?" Alice's voice brought him back.
She looked concerned and her hands were in her lap now. Man hadn't noticed that he was crying. He shook his head, hiding face in his hands. Girl put her hand on his tensed shoulder and lightly squeezed it.
"May I hug you?" she hesitantly asked and was prepared for 'no'.
Bucky nodded for her surprise and girl got on her knees next to him and wrapped her arms around the man lightly at first to let him if he changes his mind. When Alice got no resistance, she tightened her grip around around him and buried her face in his shoulder. For ex-soldier this hug was so soothing that he even got confused what to do. He wrapped his arms around Alice's torso and buried his face in the crook of her neck, shifting his body to pull her closer.
It was a huge step forward for both of them. This moment took their relationship to the next level because he only let Steve hug him so far. Bucky had an odd feeling which he couldn't explain or describe. He assumed it wasn't bad, because he felt warmth and peace spreading trough his body.
Alice stroked his dark brown, shoulder lenght hair and felt man relaxing in her touch.
"I remembered my mum," man whispered, his hot breath caressing her neck.
"That's great," she smiled, answering with a genuine delight.
She was happy that Bucky was remembering also good things, like his childhood, not only the horrible things he experienced in HYDRA.
"Why you're so kind to me?" man pulled away and avoided an eye contact with her.
"Why wouldn't I?" she sat in front of him again, frowning.
"I'm an assasin. I've killed a lot of people. I don't deserve your kindness and all of this," Bucky whispered, motioning to the room.
"Bucky, you're not an assasin. HYDRA took away from you everything. They made you as their puppet and pulled the trigger while you held the gun. You're a great man, a war hero. You're one of the sweetest men I've ever met in my life. Don't let others to break you, because that's exactly want they want. I know you can do great things because I believe in you and also Steve does. You've been through a lot and I don't even think anyone else could be so strong to survive that all. SHIELD is giving you another chance to show everyone how truly amazing you are. And I know you hate your metal arm, but I think it's cool and I like it. You think that it's meant only for killing and everything, but you can save people and make world a better place with it. I believe in you, Buck," Alice held his hands the whole time.
The ex-soldier started to sob and pulled girl on his lap, for such a surprise to both of them. She didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around man's shoulders. The cold metal and the heat from his body together made an odd sensation. Bucky hid his face in the crook of her neck again, holding on her as if his life depended on it. Alice buried her face in his hair and stroked the locks on the back of his head. They sat like that for a while.
Bucky was getting sleepy, but he didn't want to let Alice, but she noticed that.
"Hey, if you're tired then go take a nap," she smiled, letting her hand fall to his shoulder.
"Okay," he gave in, because he could barely keep his eyes open.
Girl got off his lap and offered him a hand when she stood up, which he gladly took. Bucky saw the mug on the nightstand and took it. In a few seconds he had drowned the warmish liquid and there was a bright smile on his face.
"Thanks," he put down the mug and kicked off his sneakers, and got on the bed.
"No problem," Alice shrugged, taking the mug to wash it.
"Stay, please," Bucky looked at her with a puppy face.
It wasn't like she was going to reject him anyways.
"Okay, I'll be right back," she smiled at him and quickly went to the kitchen, put the mug in the sink and went back to Bucky's room.
Girl kicked off her 'Vans', put her phone on the nightstand and crawled on the bed next to him. He immediately wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in his broad chest. Alice wrapped her arms around Bucky as well and buried her face in his chest.
She knew it takes a lot of courage to do this, so girl showed as much support as she could. Even in those few times Alice had stayed with Bucky for the night, he was resting his head on her stomach or lap and she'd stroke his hair, and nothing more. His bionic arm was loose and cold around her waist, but she didn't mind at all. No matter how strange it was, but Bucky wasn't really thinking about what he was doing. But it felt so right for him that he thought that these are just instincts.
He closed his eyes and not so long after he sank in a peaceful and fairly deep sleep, whilst girl fell in a light nap.

-------A/N------

Is the lenght of chapters okay? Thanks for reading and don't forget to vote and leave your thoughts in comments,
~Undi