Miss Miserable

Chapter 1: Miss Raizada

My name is Vayra Raizada. I know it sounds like I'm supposed to be some villain in a dramatic movie, but trust me, I'm not. I'm just a Grade 12 student who gets straight A's in most subjects. You could call me an all-rounder.

The only thing I'm not good at is... well, love. And trust.
It has been made very clear to me that the only purpose of my life right now is to get into a good medical college. That's it. That's the mission. No distractions. No drama. Just ranks and results.
My classmates think I'm arrogant. I can see it in the way they look at me when I answer too quickly or score too high. But my friends know I'm actually the opposite kind, sweet, maybe even too caring sometimes. Boys don't approach me. Not that there are any worthy candidates anyway... but it would be nice to be noticed once in a while.

Ugh. I already sound miserable.

Today was my first day of Grade 12 and it was honestly... ew. No interesting people. Same competitive energy. Same fake smiles. And the pressure? It's already suffocating me.
Why did I have to be the smart girl? Why couldn't I just be normal? Slightly dumb. Slightly carefree. The kind of girl people are naturally attracted to instead of the one they feel intimidated by.

And then there's the anxiety.

People talk about butterflies in their stomach. I get bees. Angry bees. Like they're trapped inside my body trying to break out. My back feels cold even when it's hot. My chest burns. My head feels heavy in a way I can't explain. And it happens every single day.

I used to think it would pass.
It didn't.

Sometimes I tell myself maybe it'll go away when I find someone worthy enough to quiet it. Someone who makes the bees disappear. But maybe that's just something I say to comfort myself.

I wasn't always like this though.
There was a time when I was loud. Not annoying loud. Just happy loud. I used to run barefoot through our old house ,  the big one. The one with too many rooms and ceilings so high my voice would echo when I laughed.
Back then, "Raizada" actually meant something.

I remember sunlight through tall windows. I remember my dad lifting me up and telling me I'd rule the world one day. I believed him. Why wouldn't I? I was his princess. Life felt permanent.

Until it wasn't...

My life now is simple. School to home. Home to school. Repeat.

Yes, my surname is Raizada.
No, I'm not rich anymore. I'm also not poor. I was once the heir to generational wealth.
Now I'm just the girl trying to survive Grade 12 without falling apart. And maybe... just maybe... trying to find someone who sees me beyond my marks. But that's unrealistic, right?

Anyway. Welcome to my miserable life.