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— SHANE SPENT what felt like hours looking for her. He'd usually spot her in a crowd straight away but now he couldn't. He knew she hadn't left, but her whereabouts were a mystery he wanted to solve.
The girl he was with had moved on to the next victim to dance on. It was making him uncomfortable, she was a terrible dancer and all he wanted was an excuse to leave. Finding Hazel was his excuse.
He originally planned to ask Conan but he didn't want to stir any more gossip so he left himself to do it alone.
The music got quieter the further into the house he went, voices low in rooms that were locked to indicate exactly what they were being used for.
All the alcohol he had consumed was beginning to hit him, he used his hands on the walls to guide him through the hallways, eyes becoming heavier. It was a great feeling when you were out there with everyone dancing but once you were alone it was the worst.
He suddenly felt the urge to be sick, his pace speeding up to find the closest bathroom. God knows how many people he walked in on. When he found the bathroom it was locked, so he done the only thing he could and began to bang on it as much as he could.
'Hurry up, man!' He slurred, trying his best to not sound as drunk as he was. The person in the bathroom didn't respond and was clearly taking their time on purpose. He began rattling the door handle. 'Come on!'
His crash out was put to a halt when she left the bathroom, acting as normal as possible. 'God, chill out.'
Then she walked off. That was the last time he saw her that night, if he hadn't needed to be sick he would've gone after her and tried to talk to her. His body stopped him from doing that.
The next day Shane was homebound, hungover was an understatement. The worst part about his hangovers was how bad he'd feel towards anyone and everyone for anything.
He remembered the whole thing. The dancing, the kissing, Hazel seeing it. For some reason he felt awful about it, he didn't know why. So awful he'd ordered flowers to her place.
The thought of him doing that for her made his skin crawl.
She received the flowers in the early afternoon from the receptionist at her apartment block.
sorry for not dancing with you like that – S.
An eye roll was much needed, she could put them in the trash. She wanted to, there was no reason for her to have them or for him to send her any. But she didn't, she liked flowers after all.
She filled a vase, and put the flowers on the counter next to a window in her kitchen. Though they were nice, she knew they'd be a constant reminder of him.
He had sent her texts too, ones she chose not to reply too. She didn't know what had gotten into him and why he was suddenly so sorry. If he was truly sorry he wouldn't have done it in the first place.
God!
She hated that she was thinking that way, there was no reason to. But in the back of her mind was a small voice telling her she had to care. That she had to feel stupid for it all.
Sleeping with him was a huge mistake, she really didn't think about this side of it. She was being selfish, making sure she did anything she could to get a half decent song put out and now she was sat in her living room with a blank expression and the strong scent of flowers flowing through her apartment.
She wanted to cry. From sadness, from frustration, from confusion. It made her crazy.
Her phone buzzed for the millionth time, it was Shane again with his unnecessary apology paragraphs. He wasn't making the situation any better.
Shane hazel i'm sorry i'm more sorry because i shouldn't be i think that's why i feel so bad, we both know this is nothing and it doesn't matter but i just feel guilty we told eachother we'd tell the truth if we chose to see someone else and i didn't tell you so i am now she hasn't been the only one, i can't even remember her name which is shitty of me now that i think about that idk what it is about you though it's just different and i can't work out if it's a good or bad different
His sob stories were making her even more annoyed, blocking him would be easy. But she didn't want to, instead she muted him. That was enough for now.
Her apartment felt colder than usual. Her mood changed everything. The TV was paused, the still of Impractical Jokers had been there for far too long but she didn't bother to turn it off. She decided to order takeout rather than cook.
It arrived quickly, sat on her couch alone eating from the container.
She loved her life, or so she told herself she did anyway. There were many things she would change if she'd ever be given the opportunity to do it. Maybe move back home closer to her parents for a start. Get a hell of a lot of plastic surgery and step out of the limelight and live on a quaint farm.
But that's not how life worked, and even with the life she always dreamed about having she had days like this.
She had always said she would never give this life to someone else if she had the power. It really was rewarding but the worst at times. Her phone was glued to her hand, scrolling through negative comments till there was no tears left to cry out.
That's why she had such a prominent facade, if she could fake it she would. Her songs were how they were because of that, getting personal in a song was terrifying to her so she made it all metaphorical. That was people wouldn't take it seriously.
As long as she had her friends and a bottle of wine she'd be fine.
But nonetheless, she knew she'd be okay. She had to be be.
daisy speaks– can u tell i listened to sadder songs writing this chapter i really was in my feels fr
