•mistaken•

•Not an Update•

/: Shawn in his Onesie :\

Hello,

I'm sorry this isn't an update, but there is a serious topic I need to talk about that has been going through my mind quite a bit.

Lately I've been getting messages from some of you, and most if them are about advice. And a lot of that advice goes towards suicidal thoughts.

For this I truly recommend that you talk to someone you trust about it. Suicide is not something to ponder over.

Clinical Depression can lead to suicide if not treated. And I'm on a journey to help those with this.

In the year of 2013 my doctor told me I had depression. My parents brought me to the doctor about my anxiety, but it turned out to be worse.

I was diagnosed with depression mainly because of my dropping grades, my sudden social anxiety, and my disappearing appetite. But to me, it seemed absurd that it would all lead to this.

He gave me prescription medication and vitamins to help, and also recommended hot baths and naps everyday to keep me calm. But really, nothing worked.

After suffering a year of teasing, crying, anxiety and unhealthy weight loss, I decided that my life did not reach what I had wanted it to. In early December, 2014, I attempted my suicide in my bedroom, using razor blades.

After I was unheard of for about an hour, my parents grew suspicious and went to check on me. After they found me in my room on the floor with a scary amount of blood around me, I was rushed to a hospital and was kept there for two weeks.

After my suicide attempt I realized that my life wasn't what I wanted it to be because I didn't try. I simply took the easy way out.

Every time I look down on my left wrist and feel the scar that almost took my beautiful life away from me, I tear up. But here's the thing- that one scar isn't a straight line. It's shaped as a heart, and it really means a lot to me. One day, I'm going to get a tattoo outlining it. So when people ask,
"What's the meaning if that heart on your wrist?" I can tell them how even when I was so close to death, my heart wouldn't let me. It kept beating.

And to this day I have no regrets, because I've learned from my mistakes.

If you need to talk to me about anything at all, I'm here for you. I know how you feel. And you may not know it, but you are loved.

If you need to talk, contact me at:

Snapchat- slothgurl1234

Tumblr- http0pandas (I created a new one because I wasn't on my old one for three months. Yikes)

Remember that someone is always there for you. That's how I got where I am today.

Muah Aaliyah
Xoxoxoxo