Always Been You

prologue

2022

"will you always stay by my side?"

i ask ethan who's currently spaced out while gazing at the sea.

wala lang, i guess today i am very sentimental and i am so afraid of  losing the people that i love— or them leaving my life for no random reason.

kasalanan 'to ng bridge to terabithia. ang emotional ko tuloy today.

"of course. why would i ever leave you? i will always be by your side. i will always be your friend," ethan assures me with a smile. that's such a quick response for someone who's just spacing out a few moments ago.

so attentive and responsive.

"kahit may iba na akong close friends?" i add.

"i'm still going to be your closest friend. no one can beat the best friend of almost 15 years," he confidently tells me.

"so oa naman sa 15 years."

"almost," he points out.

i keep on looking at the sky above us. i really like clear skies, especially at night. you get to see the stars and the moon. and if you're lucky enough, you can see a shooting star and make a wish.

i made a wish once on a shooting star— to finally meet the right one in love because fuck getting my heart broken. it hurts.

also, being with the wrong one is such a waste of time and i hate wasting my time kaya! i could have used that time in a more productive way.

i look at ethan briefly. if kanina, sa dagat siya nakatingin, now, he's looking at the sky. i think he's just waiting for the right moment to use his dslr camera na kanina pa naka-set up sa tabi niya.

i ask again, "kahit may boyfriend na ako?"

"kahit may boyfriend ka na. i will still be your best friend."

"kahit may asawa na ako?"

he looks at me with disbelief as if i'm being ridiculous by being too ahead of myself.

what? question lang naman!

"yes. i can even be one of your bridesmaids or your maid of honor if you like."

i let out a quiet laugh. "okay. kahit may girlfriend and asawa ka na rin? are we still going to be friends?"

"yup. if i ever get into a relationship or marriage," he says and i can't help but to be taken aback by his statement.

if he ever gets into a relationship? and marriage on top of that? impossible. for a man like him, it is so impossible na he'll stay single until he gets old.

he's like... almost every girl's ideal man! oa but it's true!

good-looking, matalino, matangkad, responsible, may dreams and goals in life, and respectful? he's like the greenest flag ever.

but okay, whatever. maybe he's just aromantic. unlike me, i really am hopeful with my lovelife. i can't wait to be a lover girl.

not now, but soon

time out muna because what the fuck were the men i recently dated? all of them are trash. so. fucking. trash.

i can't believe i tolerated and settled with those men who couldn't even tell me what they want with me. there are no proper intentions! their words don't align with their actions like what? they keep on telling me na they like me but can't even ask me out on a proper date?

or if they do, first date, the guy's going to insist to pay for everything— even if i volunteer for a 50-50! and then sa second date, they're going to be like: hey, can you pay the bill kasi ako na 'yung nagpay last time?