Winged

Chapter 10: The Push Out The Window

"She's fine. The Arowan's leader killed the wendigo before it could kill her. But even then, she would've died from the wounds alone if Ephideus didn't use his Golden Nectar on her. The thing is, if I hadn't backed down, if I had killed the wendigo, it wouldn't have attacked her. She could have died because I did nothing."

Hikaru kept nodding and eating.

"I see," she said. "You regret not having killed the wendigo when you had the chance."

"Yes, and I just can't help thinking, what if this happens again? What if there comes a time in which I have to... kill someone? What if I can't do it? What if I cower again and someone gets hurt? Or dies?"

Hikaru kept quiet for a few seconds before answering.

"What you are asking here is a very difficult question. I have an answer, but it's not necessarily the right one, just the one I know. Leo, you've probably figured it out, but I have killed before. Not just monsters, but people too."

Leo didn't answer. Deep down he had always known, but he'd never given the idea any thought. Since he said nothing, she continued.

"You know I haven't lived the most peaceful life. I saw war at a very young age, and then... I was alone, just a teenager and her baby brother, on their own in this big, scary world with no friends and no money. I managed to make a name for myself as a sword master, so I could charge quite a bit for a job as a mercenary. But some times were tougher than others, and I couldn't always afford to pick my employers." For a moment, Leo thought Hikaru's calmness was failing her. "If I could change some of those events, I would. But those weren't the only instances I had to kill someone. There were times when I simply needed to protect Sasuke and myself. Not everyone is good in this world, Leo, and sometimes, people wanted to hurt us. I'm not proud of doing it, and yet, I won't pretend I wouldn't do it again, and again, and as many times as necessary. I'll definitely do it again in the future. Sometimes there are only terrible options, but to me, when you are forced to choose between the lives of your loved ones and the lives of those threatening them, it becomes a very easy choice. Even if I regret doing it, I know I'd regret not doing it much more."

Leo couldn't help but he unhappy with the answer; maybe he hoped she would ease his worries about the possibility of having to kill someone.

"But I'm happy you're confused like that," she said. "So many people go on to do it more and more easily. If I can share something with you, birdie, I sometimes try to, how can I say? Imagine what it would be like to die. My vision going dark, all sound muted, everything turning black and silent, nothing left. It's silly, really, but it helps me not forget exactly what I'm doing. So I'm happy you're confused, because the day you don't struggle with this issue anymore is the day I lose my faith in you."

Leo smiled.

"So, that means you have faith in me now?"

"Of course I do," she replied with a smirk. "Otherwise, I'd be really wasting my time, wouldn't I?"

"I suppose."

"By the way, I can tell that you blame yourself for everything that's been happening."

Leo didn't even pretend to be surprised.

"Well, it is happening because of me!" he groaned. "And I'm not doing anything about it! I don't know what to do. It's like with the little girl, people are getting hurt because of me and I do nothing."

"It's not your doing. Don't blame yourself for someone else's crimes. And you are new to this, aren't you? Not just to being a king, this entire world is new to you! In your place, I'd be just as lost. For now, you should focus on the fact that the little girl is alive and well. And, as a matter of fact, you're doing better than most would. What you did with the dragon? That almost impressed even me."