Euphoria || tronnor ||

T w o

I woke up to a knock on my door. My body ached from sleeping on the cold bathroom floor. Not caring about the state of my appearance, I forced myself off my floor to answer the door.

"Hellll...oohh what happened to you?" Tyler said . I closed the door and sat myself on my couch and closed my eyes. I let out a deep breath.

"You okay?" He asked sitting next to me.

"Yea I'm fine" I lied. "I just fell asleep late last night on my bathroom floor due to a headache." I said and opened my eyes to look at him. He still looked kinda worried.

"Do you still feel sick now?" He questioned.

"Besides the fact I'm tired and my body aches from sleeping sitting up on a cold tile floor, yes Tyler I'm perfectly fine." I said with a puff of laughter escaping my nose and he smiled.

"Good, great!! Coffee?" He said confidently as he stood up.

"Yes please!!" I said a little too enthusiastically. "I'm gonna go get changed but I'll be right back".

I went into the bathroom and took notice of how stressed and tired I look. I had dark circles and bags under my eyes, not to mention that they were still red.

"Wow I actually look like a mess" I said under my breath and reached in the cabinet. I applied some concealer to cover around my eyes to make me look normal. After brushing my teeth I decided to leave my hair flopped down instead of my usual quiff.

My outfit was a plain maroon tee shirt, black pants, and some maroon vans. I grabbed my wallet and phone and headed out the door with Tyler by my side.

We sat at a table and ordered lattes. Tyler talked to me but I would make things awkward by cutting conversations short. I felt bad for causing things to be awkward but I honestly still felt drained of happiness from last night.

I started to feel light headed and my vision was getting blurry. I put my head in my hands for a while and Tyler took notice.

"You sure you okay con?" Tyler asked setting his phone down on the table to pay full attention to me which was the last thing I wanted.

"I'm getting light headed and dizzy...you have anything I can take?" I said not bothering to look up.

"In my car, do you want to just go to my house and chill for a little bit? At least until you feel better." Tyler sympathized. The word better made me start thinking again.

I simply can't just get better. Better. Sure I will feel more ups but when I think I'm actually better, I drop from the peak of happiness to the depths of my despair. See there's no such thing as permanently better, it's temporary like face paint. You're so happy with how pretty the design looks and as soon as you shower or wash your face all of that prettiness goes down the drain. Everything is temporary, and I happen to have the shortest bittersweet version of temporary..

"Connor?" Tyler snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Oh yea..let's go" I said and we walked to his car.

Tyler was busy editing his video to pay attention to me. I sat and observed everything around me, not thinking just looking. Maybe about an hour later Tyler finished editing and uploading when his home phone started to ring.

" I really need to use the bathroom, can you get it" he asked standing up. I nodded and picked it up.

"Hello?" I said to the person on the other line.

"Tyler?" Said a person around my age with a strong accent. Troye..I knew who he was through watching his videos and collabs with Tyler but I've never actually spoken to or seen him.

"He's in the bathroom..it's Connor." I said trying to sound friendly.

"Connor Franta?!" He said a little surprised. It made me chuckle at how he was amazed i was talking to him. I'm just another normal person.

"It's me" I simply replied with a happy tone so I wouldn't be taken as harsh.

"We've never met..this is cool..I mean were not meeting but we're talking, and we've never talked..you know what never mind." He awkwardly chuckled and then continued. "Well it's troye umm.. I was calling to tell Tyler I will be landing in LA tomorrow if he wanted to hang out. He can call me later. Nice talking to you Connor." Troye said smiling through the phone.

"You too troye" I said before hanging up. I sat back down on the couch and waited for Tyler to get out of the bathroom.

"Who was that?" Tyler said walking into the room.

"Troye..he wanted you to call him. Something about him landing in LA tomorrow." I shrugged as Tyler smiled.

"Yay...you wanna FaceTime him with me." Tyler grabbed his laptop and set it on the coffee table in front of us.

"I'd love to but I think I'm gonna go home and rest for a while. We can meet up later if you want" I stood up.

"Okay I'll call you later then" Tyler said as I walked out the door.

I didn't particularly feel like going to my house just yet, but I didn't feel to well in Tyler's house. I wanted to be alone if anything happened and not trapped inside of my Best-friend's house.

Tyler's house was four blocks away from the beach, so I decided to take a walk along the beach. Today was a little cloudy so the weather was nice and cool.

I sat on a bench just watching the few people there were pass by. I thought about when I was younger and still lived with my parents. Back then I thought I was happy but now that I looked back on it I really wasn't. I wasn't popular nor was I alone. The popular kids liked me and I would talk to them, but I had a couple best friends which made me realize I didn't need to be popular. My parents loved me and my three siblings very much. All four of us (Dustin, Nicola, brandon, and I) were considered smart so all was good.

   My parents invested some of their money trying to help my younger brother brandon get into an expensive middle/high school. Sadly he didn't get accepted but I think my parents were more sad about it than he was. They started treating him like he was depressed (even though he was perfectly fine) and it made me feel weird. I guess now that I look back it was because I was the one who was troubled. I wanted my parents to notice but at the same time I tried so hard to hide it from everyone, even myself.

There's no denying it now. I am what other people consider depressed. It tore me apart to think about it, the word made me hopeless and desperate for something. I don't know what that something is which made me even more hopelessly anxious. Tears of despair filled my eyes until they started to fall.

I was desperate, oh so desperate for something new. I felt hopeless, and I just wanted to curl up in a ball of emotions and hide forever. I wanted to feel nothing, I wanted something to make me feel numb.